So to put it in your parlance, Dick-o, think "final throes." I'll give you enough time to transfer all the Gitmo prisoners up to Walter Reed, but then I command you to don the cowl and head down into the special bunker for a face to face. Hellfire and damnation suit you so well. I guess that's part of the reason you've always been one of My favorites. Only someone very special can shoot another man in the face and then make his victim apologize. But we have until the end of time to review your accomplishments. For now, I have to get back to the stadium for the welcoming ceremonies for Augusto Pinochet. I ducked out during Jerry Falwell's convocation — he does prattle on!

Oh yeah, if you see Lee Greenwood, tell him he's the only artist we ever play on the Muzak down here — but now I'm prattling.

Just remember there will always be a special place in hell for you. Very, very special.

Yours in everlasting agony and damnation,

After spending an eternity on the road, political satirist Barry Crimmins has retired to a rural ring of heaven to write. For more, check his blog, "Words To Live Near," on

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