Chimp Boy hits and runs

Warmonger’s handlers make mockery of 1st Amendment
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  July 2, 2007

Gosh, what an honor when Dubya the Chimp Boy finally had the balls to make an appearance in the Biggest Little last week. Of course, he dodged the great unwashed and was whisked by helicopter from Quonset Point to the Naval War College, where he gave “a speech.” As is the wont of his handlers, who fear that Boy George might break down in tears if anyone criticizes him, the audience was the usual adoring throng of military men and women and foreign military officials, who are obviously told to be on best behavior and to attach their lips to Dubya’s buttocks.
 
Outside the Navy Gate on Connell Highway, 200 protesters let Georgie the warmonger know that he should get out of Little Rhody ASAP (a sap, indeed), lest we be judged by the company we keep. The TV highlight of the rabble-rouser coverage came when JARhead Larry Estepa was doing a stand-up for the news at five, and with the easily visible sign of a protester behind him: “Bush 9/11 Murdering Scum.” It took the cameraman about 15 seconds to catch on to this background, and he was no doubt alerted when the horrified shriek of Betty-Jo Cugini, WJAR’s lovely news director, could be heard all the way from Channel 10’s Cranston headquarter. The ensuing extreme close-up was so tight on Estepa that we thought his head might pop.
 
The other charming episode, showing the White House’s fear of any media not in its back pocket (take a bow, Fox News), came when Dubya the Dumb was departing from Quonset after meeting with yet another handpicked audience of National Guard reservists and the like. As described in the Urinal, Channel 12 reporter Jarrod Holbrook called out to the president, obviously trying to ask a question. One member of Bush’s entourage promptly pointed at Holbrook, and when he called out again, he had his press credential ripped off his belt. Holbrook, who was booked for an extended stay at Gitmo, later indicated he had wanted to ask if Bushie he had enjoyed his visit. Oh yes, beware the press.
 
The capper was how Boy George then flew to Kennebunk¬port, where he was to meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin. Since, as Maureen Dowd said, the Russian leader put the Putin back into Rasputin, this was clearly done so that Poppy could protect Poopy. The Drugstore Cowboy — what a man.
 
Scooterball
P&J occasionally play the Powerball, in the hope of retiring to Tahiti or some such paradise. And like any good Vo Dilun gamblers, we always look for those “magic numbers” to achieve the virtually impossible. These are normally birthdates, street addresses, Big Papi’s batting average, the number of husbands boned by Liz Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor — you get the idea.
 
Well, we have zeroed in on our combo for this week, and we’re working on pulling our picks from 28301-016. That happens to be the new federal inmate number of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, veep “Big Time” Cheney’s dirty trickster, who was convicted earlier this year of lying and obstructing an investigation into the leak of a CIA operative’s identity. What would be more satisfying and rewarding than cashing in on the little weasel? Scooter’s hired mouthpieces are trying to keep him out of the can until his appeal can be heard. Go get ’em, Patrick.

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Related: King to C5, A voice from on high, Fourth-estate follies, 2009 edition, More more >
  Topics: Phillipe And Jorge , Politics, Elizabeth Taylor, Central Intelligence Agency,  More more >
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