R.I.P., Wilbur Doctor
Wilbur Doctor, “Dr. Doctor,” URI’s legendary journalism professor, the mentor to more than a generation of top-flight reporters. He was a teacher who pushed his students to excellence with impressive results.
Hockey for hunger
If you’re picking up your Phoenix on Thursday, March 6, it’s not too late to check out the General Assembly vs. the Media hockey tilt at the Cranston Veterans Memorial Ice Rink, 900 Phenix Ave, at 8 pm.
Proceeds will benefit the Rhode Island Community Food Bank, and the Alan Shawn Feinstein will match the donations from the event.
JARhead Big Bill Rappleye will skate for the reporters, along with station-mate Joe Kayata and Channel 12’s Patrick Little. We understand that Olympic Gold Medalist Sarah DeCosta will strap up, playing forward for the media gang.
The Assembly will field a team featuring Eddie Pacheco, Tom Winfield, Amy Rice, Jim Doyle, Paul Fogarty, Bob Jacquard, Dan DaPonte, and John Tassoni. We hear that a true RI hockey legend, former Speaker John Harwood, will also skate. Pucky is truly one of the great schoolboy hockey stars, having also starred for Penn in his college days. Channel 12 anchor Erin Kennedy will drop the puck and then get the hell out of the way.
Don't forget your galoshes
We offer a Casa Diablo Al Haig/Colonel Bat Guano salute to the adjutant general of the Biggest Little National Guard, Major General Robert Bray. The Guard leader has been drawing tremendous flak from state emergency management directors since Governor Donald Carcieri appointed him, following the now-legendary December 13 “Snowstorm for Idiots,” to lead the state Emergency Management Agency.
And add a pinch of salt to that wound with the Don’s declaration that the Mr. Man in charge during a weather emergency will now be Bray, which appears unconstitutional. This is because there is a bit of a problem with giving the military reign over civilian control of that kind of a situation, unless you view a snowstorm as warranting martial law.
But just in case of martial law, it is nice to know Col. Bat Guano has his troops prepared. Well, provided it’s a nice day. A recent training effort to mimic how the guardsmen should respond to a mob of Vo Dilunduhs making a run on the state’s flu vaccine supply (and possibly St. Joseph’s orange-flavored children’s aspirin crushed up into applesauce, we weren’t told) had to be moved from its original site at the Ladd Center in Exeter. It was changed, to an indoor location at Camp Fogarty in East Greenwich, because it was snowing.
Should we have a future widespread outbreak of public panic, or even, God forbid, a terrorist attack, this suggests that those involved will take time to consult with John Ghiorse or the Weather Channel to ensure that there is no rain or snow in sight.
That’s what we’re looking for in a commander — steely toughness. Now get in here and dry off before you catch a cold!
Send cold gales and Pulitzer-grade tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.