10,000 Bone Crazy

Screenplay brainstorming
By WILL MACLAUGHLIN  |  March 12, 2008

The following transcript was discovered in a dumpster outside of Warner Brothers Studios:

HARALD So, I’ve got this great idea for a movie. You wanna produce it?

MICHAEL What’s it about?

HARALD Really olden times. As in, like, thousands of years ago.

MICHAEL I feel you. What would the characters look like?

HARALD I was thinking we could smear dirt on them and cover them in rodent bones. We could put rodent bones in their hair, and all the jewelry could be rodent bones.

MICHAEL Cool. I like that. Where would the characters live?

HARALD Get this — inside huts made of bones. And for decoration inside the huts I’m thinking we could have even more rodent bones hanging from the ceiling and shit.

MICHAEL This sounds freaking awesome, but I need a plot.

HARALDNo problemo. It starts with a hunt where one hunter proves his prowess and gets the legendary spear.

MICHAEL What makes the spear legendary?

HARALD It has decorative rodent bones on it.


HARALD Anyway, after that a girl gets stolen by barbarians and the hunter has to track her down and save her.

MICHAEL Sounds cool. How would he track her?


MICHAEL Rodent bones?

HARALD Bingo. She leaves a breadcrumb trail of rodent bones so that she can be tracked.

MICHAEL This is sounding friggin’ amazing. Do any of the characters have names yet?

HARALD I was thinking Dick and Evelyn.

MICHAEL That sounds a little too normal for ancient times.

HARALD All right, how ’bout ... Tic-Tic and Evolet?

MICHAEL Those are dope names. Will the characters speak English?

HARALD Totally. They’ll speak English but with a kind of old-sounding accent. And old words. As in like — nobody will say “month,” it's got to be “many moons” and shit like that — to establish a mood. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, their word for mammoth won’t be the same as ours.

MICHAEL What do they call mammoths?

HARALD Mammacths.

MICHAEL Cool twist. Where do you want to shoot it?

HARALD I’m glad you asked. Part of me wants to go with a barren tundra, but part of me wants to do a rainforest. What do you think?

MICHAEL I don’t know. Do both.

HARALD Seriously?

MICHAEL Yeah. Just switch it up halfway through the movie. Have them walking on a frozen plateau and then walk into a rainforest. It was ancient times. You have a blank slate.

HARALD Killer. Totally killer. So, are you in?

MICHAEL Absolutely dude. Do you think $75 million will be enough?

HARALD Yeah, that should do. But we’ll have to use no-name actors.

MICHAEL All right. Now all we need is a name.

HARALD I was thinking Rodent Bone-anza.

MICHAEL No. I don’t feel that. What about 10,000 B.C.?

HARALD B.C. as in Bone Crazy. That’s sweet.

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