What's in a word?
From the Washington Post's "Mensa Invitational," which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
The Post also publishes the winning submissions to a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Some top ones:
Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Circumvent: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
R.I.P., Robert L. Cummings
The Biggest Little has always had a diverse and exciting musical culture. And for the past 30 years, we had at least one first-class a cappella doo-wop group, the Pink Tuxedos, until last week, that is.
Bob Cummings who, with his brother Gary, was a founding member of the Tuxedos, died suddenly, and way too soon, at home in Swansea last Tuesday. Bob was a Providence native, a Green Beret, a husband and father, and a great bundle of energy, love, and enthusiasm. In short, it was always a pleasure to see him. He will be greatly missed, and we extend our deepest sympathy to his family.
Go, Richard! Go, Viola!
How wonderful it was to wake up last week to discover that the great Richard Jenkins has been nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for The Visitor, and Viola Davis for Best Supporting Actress in Doubt.
We all know Jenkins is a great person. He lives in Cumberland with wife Sharon (the noted dancer/choreographer), spent decades at Trinity Rep, and is largely considered the main reason the legendary regional theater company bounced back so quickly from a couple of difficult seasons when he took over as artistic director.
Central Falls native Davis stands a reasonable chance of winning an award. Take a look at the other, much better known actors, who have been nominated along with our Richard: Mickey Rourke (who is enjoying just the sort of miraculous career comeback that the show biz cognoscenti live for); Frank Langella (a long-respected actor at the peak of his powers, his nomination is for the best "Richard" role this side of Richard III, Richard Nixon); Sean Penn (an acknowledged great screen actor, in a bravura role as an heroic figure for our time, Harvey Milk); and Brad Pitt (very popular, very cute, earnest and talented, in an excellent film). Send celluloid tales and Pulitzer-grade tips firstname.lastname@example.org.