Space hot dogs

By DAVID KISH  |  April 1, 2009

"OK, Jimmy, that's a roger. Setting the Hubble Space Telescope coordinates for Buster's burning butt at the Wienerschnitzel on Broadway. We'll tell the Public it's a new Mars-like planet. We can do that. Oh, and Jimmy? Don't forget my Diet Coke!"

Captain Hildebrand never got his beverage. Jimmy prepared it, but then realized he had no idea what to do with it. Buster, after a good icing and squeegeeing, was treated like a war vet when he got back home. Especially when he produced fistfuls of stolen hot dogs from his pockets! He wasn't so far out there. The Public was astounded by the pictures of a Mars-like planet with a deep canyon and flowing orange lava that had the chemical properties of Cheez Whiz.

Mostly, though, the Public was enamored with the mysterious amateur who discovered the new planet. Children's textbooks were amended to include "Amateur X." An artist's rendering of what should have been skinny, pimply Jimmy instead delineated a muscular figure gripping a telescope in one hand and a fully dressed Foot Long in the other. This iconic image will no doubt leave a lasting impression on future generations of scientists and fast-food workers.

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