Monkeying around

By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  May 27, 2009

So let's not hear any more of that whimpering. That you haven't actually heard the complaints from the Europeans, Canadians, Japanese, and everyone else in the industrialized world is mostly a function of the fact that they are too polite to voice their dissatisfaction out loud, coupled with the fact that they are foreigners and, hence, too stupid to understand the concept of "American exceptionalism" in all matters.

Oh yeah, we mention this in conjunction with the fact that both Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Rhode Island and UnitedHealthcare of New England are proposing pay hikes for 2010. Oh, but don't worry. Blue Cross and United are only asking for 13.9 percent and 13.2 percent increases for small groups and 16.3 percent and 11.6 percent increases for large groups, respectively. Along with all the utility service increases, we figure that in about six months you'll be battling local gibbons for that last banana (see the previous item). But, as all the right-wingers out there already know, we can always eat shit and pull ourselves up by the bootstraps (even though we can only afford the straps and not the boots).

And for goodness sake, just don't get sick!


GOP = GRAND OLD POOFDAHS

Top quote of the week belongs to Kirk Fordyce, former chief of staff to Republican congressman Mark Foley, as reported in Frank Rich's New York Times column on May 24:

"If they tried to fire gay staff like they do booting people out of the military, the legislative process would grind to a halt."

Sleep tight, Lee Atwater, who Rush Limbaugh would have loved to be closer to. Want to wash that Oxycontin down with a Campari, Lee?


RICH-NESS

While we're talking about Frank Rich's column in the Times, let us also note his citation of a comment by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"For years now I have heard the word 'Wait." It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This 'Wait' almost always means 'Never.' "


NUF SED. FINE-ALLY

Hats off to House Majority Leader Gordon Fox for hammering our old pal Bob Goldberg, husband of the terminally compromised Acting Supreme Court Chief Justice Maureen McKenna Goldberg, for Bobby's lobbying effort to kill a bill that would increase the fines against industrial polluters.

Kudos also to the demonstrators who picketed Goldberg's office in Pawtucket to point out that the lobbyist/lawyer was the chief opponent of the bill that would increase the daily allowable fine to be $25,000 a day, versus the current limit of $1000.

The focal point of the call for the increase is the Tiverton neighborhood which some allege has been toxically raped by the Texas company Southern Union, Goldberg's client. State officials believe that Southern Union has polluted the soil with arsenic, cyanide, and other pleasant elements you'd love to have your children and pets around — provided you enjoy them growing three eyes and ears.

Fox actually manned up and apologized to one homeowner for allowing Goldberg to cow legislators into voting against the fine hike last year, a rare occurrence among State House movers and shakers.

Nice work, Gordo.

Send June bugs and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j@phx.com. 

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