WISH THERE WAS A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF The very drunk Phoenix traffic manager greeting me at the bar at Stonecoast, an overflowing Guinness draft in one hand. As she finished speaking, the glass slipped smoothly out of her hand, falling straight down and shattering on the floor. Her earnest response to soaking my legs and feet: "Will you buy me a beer?"
The FBI visit. I don't remember the exact date of this event, but it marked the last day of a sales rep who had apparently gone on a multi-state fraud spree before landing at the Phoenix. The federal agents were polite and efficient, causing minimal disruption to our otherwise mundane day.
WISH THERE WAS A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF Me asking the sales rep if he wanted me to box up his personal belongings and mail them to his mother's house. He replied, "No, no, I'll be back tomorrow after all this is sorted out." But the FBI agent standing behind him made eye contact with me and began slowly shaking his head. I boxed up the guy's stuff, and mailed it off.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Red Sox open the season in Japan, first pitch at 6 am our time. The majority of the Phoenix staff arrived at the Stadium Sports Bar around 5:30, getting one of the last tables in the absolutely packed house. The rule of the day was that beers could be served at 6 am, and seeing the walls covered with flyers promoting discounted Bud "Red Sox" aluminum bottles, we passed on breakfast and ordered three rounds. Things were going great until about 6:45, when pretty much the entire staff at Nappi Distributors showed up to support what was supposed to be a Miller Lite event at the bar. Caught red-handed at a table covered in competing Anheuser-Busch products, I did the only thing I could do — threw Phoenix sales manager John Marshall under the bus as the culprit. Sadly, my ploy failed, and I am still jeered with calls of "Hey Bud Man" from my good friends at Nappi to this day.
WISH THERE WAS A YOUTUBE VIDEO OF Us shipping the paper that night after drinking most of the morning. I really don't remember doing it.
Marc Shepard (who has also appeared on the masthead as Marc Sheppard) has held nearly every post in the sales department at the Portland Phoenix, and was associate publisher until last month, when he got kicked upstairs to be vice-president of print-media sales. (Yes, that's VP of PMS. We are not making this up.) He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.