Here's the ugly truth about Republican 2nd District congressional candidate Jason Levesque:
He earns his living making infomercials.
And he has a pine cone growing out of his head.
Let's take that second problem first.
Levesque has been running a campaign ad on the Web site Pine Tree Politics showing a photo of the candidate with what appears to be a snow-covered pine cone bursting out of his skull.
I hope some campaign consultant doesn't convince Levesque to have plastic surgery to make his head look normal. He'll get way more votes with clear evidence there's something in his cranium, even if its plant matter. He should also challenge his opponent, Democratic US Representative Michael Michaud, to open up his head for inspection, just to prove there isn't a mini-John Martin controlling things from in there.
Now, about those infomercials. Levesque owns an Auburn company called Argo Marketing Group. Among his clients is a product called Rug Doctor ("Special TV Offer: Urine Eliminator only $19.99"). We can only hope this carpet physician isn't in charge of the candidate's health-care plan.
He also promotes the NuWave Oven (endorsed by a guy described as a "former BayWatch star," although, since he's not David Hasselhoff or Pamela Anderson, I don't think that "star" title is entirely accurate).
And then there are his efforts on behalf of Paravol, a male enhancement pill which, according to its Web site, contains "Horny Goat Weed." The same company also makes a muscle-growth product called Anabolic Edge, so maybe Levesque's candidacy will be getting endorsements from steroid sluggers like Mark McGwire. Considering all the stuff McGwire took, he could probably use some Paravol.
In any case, Levesque has kicked off his campaign with what a January 21 press release called "The Blah Blah Tour."
Aren't they all?
Levesque's staff later admitted that name was a mistake (it was supposed to have been "The Pine Cone Growing Out Of His Head Tour"), but the public reacted favorably to this outbreak of inadvertent honesty, so the candidate decided to keep the title.
Besides, Levesque knows something about blah blah. When he announced his run for office last June, half the lengthy release was taken up with his resume. He blathered on about how he was in the Key Club in high school, how his grandfather fought in World War II, how his great-grandfather was a "lumberman" — and how he was born in Baltimore.
One of the dangers of blah blah is that sometimes you say more than you need to.
Another danger is you don't say much of anything.
Although Levesque has been campaigning for nearly nine months, he still hasn't given birth to any original ideas. Instead, he puts out stuff like this:
"We can make government work again, but we have to be willing to make the change. The career politicians have had their shot and they have failed. Its [sic] time we return the government to the people."
And grammar to the grammarians.
Levesque never misses an opportunity to blame the incumbent congressman for the state's ills:
"Mike Michaud doesn't understand what it takes to invest in a community and meet a payroll. Instead, he foments anti-business rhetoric among working people which only leads them down a slippery path to the unemployment office, creating a culture of dependency."