Spring fever

LT’s self-abuse defense, a bag job at Notre Dame, and heading back to school in Texas
By MATT TAIBBI  |  May 24, 2010

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The Lawrence Taylor case is progressing, and as expected, each passing day upchucks new sordid details into the gossip-o-sphere.

To recount, the former New York Giants sackmaster was arrested last week for allegedly having sex with a teenage prostitute in a Montebello, New York, hotel room. The latest involves LT’s defense, which reportedly is going to be an old standby — the timeless “I didn’t statutorily rape that 16-year-old prostitute, I merely jacked off while she sat in the room and watched.”

Two separate accounts of the incident have leaked out. One involved a friend of the reported victim, a stripper who apparently roomed with the girl. According to the New York Post, the friend told investigators that the purported victim came home and was bragging that she’d made “easy money” with Taylor because she “didn’t even have to fuck him.”

In a completely unsurprising development, a conflicting story came out in the Post’s rival, the New York Daily News. In that one, the victim not only rebuffed the idea that she didn’t have sex with Taylor, she released ugly new details. Taylor’s condom, she said, “got stuck inside,” adding that “he had to put his fingers inside me to get it out.”

Police found a condom in Taylor’s hotel room, but his lawyers are apparently going to argue that he didn’t use it. That’s a pretty gutsy defense, given that the linebacker’s DNA would almost certainly be on any condom he used for any amount of time.

The whole story is really depressing. That he’s resorting to conceding to a “masturbatory act” as his defense seems desperate and points to the fact that there is too much evidence for him to deny that he encountered the girl.

Taylor’s back in court June 10, so more details to come.

Smoke one for the Gipper
New Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly got an early taste of adversity this past week with his first player arrest, featuring backup tight end Mike Ragone.

Ragone was stopped for driving 83 in a 70-mph zone on a toll road not far from South Bend. According to police, when pulled over, he tried to hand a couple of baggies of a “leafy substance” to his girlfriend, so that she could stick them in her purse. Both were arrested for marijuana possession and both could get up to a year in jail.

Why do these guys always have their baggies of weed out when they get pulled over? Since when did getting high in the complete and utter safety of a dorm room become too unexciting?

Zero points for smoking weed, but five — no, let’s make it six — points for being just flat-out stupid.

Friday night switch
Weird story out of Odessa, Texas: the famed Permian High School Panthers, best known for being the inspiration for Friday Night Lights, were the victims of a bizarre hoax. Guerdwich Montimere, a 22-year-old basketball player who in 2007 took a Fort Lauderdale, Florida, high-school team to the state semifinals, enrolled at Permian and posed as Jerry Joseph, a 16-year-old Haitian immigrant. “Joseph” then led Permian to 16 wins.

Permian has been stripped of all 16 wins and Montimere was arrested last Tuesday for failing to identify himself to a police officer, a misdemeanor. Montimere was outed when AAU coaches from Florida spotted him at a tournament in Arkansas.

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