Milwaukee's best

Sports blotter: Crime spree edition
By MATT TAIBBI  |  September 6, 2006

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SPREE’S BACK!: America’s favorite NBA malcontent was interviewed by police after a woman claimed he choked her during consensual sex.
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Guess who's back?
The recent police interview of Latrell Sprewell in connection with charges that he spontaneously choked a woman while engaging in consensual sex with her on his boat poses a serious challenge to the comics of the sports-journalism world. To wit, how to identify the most ridiculous aspect of this case? Is it the fact that the erstwhile Knick/Warrior/TimberWolf’s boat is called “Milwaukee’s Best”? Is it that something about coitus on a yacht reminded Spree of P.J. Carelisimo? Is it the rash of Wayne Brady jokes that shot through America’s hoop blogs last week?

Who knows. Certainly the incident — a strange and incomplete tale involving a woman who allegedly fought off the 35-year-old ex–NBA star while on a lake cruise, then checked herself into a hospital after making it back to shore — elevates Sprewell to a new status among NBA malcontents. Being nabbed in a second choking scandal probably makes him the reigning criminal fetishist of the American sports scene, replacing . . . whom? There are a lot of candidates, from serial stalker O.J. Simpson to irrepressible spontaneous-nudist and coke-devouring fondler Otis Nixon. But my money is on ex-Dolphin Cecil “The Diesel” Collins, arrested twice on similar burglary charges for breaking into homes to stare at sleeping women. The Diesel couldn’t control his very specific urges, and apparently neither can Spree, who according to police left red marks on his victim’s neck.

Sprewell, who was thrown out of the NBA in 1997 after choking then–Warriors coach Carelisimo in practice, was interviewed by cops last week and is awaiting word on whether or not he’ll be arrested.

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Weed, gun, car, etc.
Attention Mel Kiper Jr.: you can enter your first “off-field concerns” flag of this college football season next to the name Tarell Brown, starting cornerback for third-ranked University of Texas, who was nailed last week in what sounds like your basic driving-around-with-gun-and-blunts case. Brown was busted with Tyrell Gatewood, a reserve junior linebacker and special-teamer, and former UT linebacker Aaron Harris.

All three athletes were in a car on I-35 at 2:50 am Monday, less than 48 hours after UT whaled on North Texas, 56-7, in the season opener on Saturday. The car swerved, nearly hit another car, and was finally pulled over by police. Harris, the driver, passed a field sobriety test, but confessed to police that he had been smoking marijuana and that there was more in the car. Now for the weird part: when sheriff’s deputies looked in the back seat, they saw Brown, asleep with a loaded 9 mm handgun on his lap. When awakened, Brown, along with Gatewood, denied having smoked any of the weed, and in an act recalling the recent case involving our own Jonathan Sullivan, offered to take a drug test to that effect.

The question that arises is this: what could possibly have prompted Brown to fall asleep with a loaded gun in his lap? If he and Gatewood weren’t drunk or stoned, why was Harris the one driving?

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