CARL FROM AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE
Wife-beater + upper-arm hair + bald pate + flip-flops + bad mustache = still sexier than Bob Dylan.
 BOB DYLAN
Senior citizen rocker
In a police lineup, he could be mistaken for a grizzled wino. His enigmatic demeanor was sexy — when he was a brash, insouciant songwriter in the ’60s and ’70s. But now that he’s in his 60s and 70s, it seems more like the grumpiness grandpa exhibits when grandma won’t let him have a second slice of cheesecake.
 PEREZ HILTON
Exponentially overhyped gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his actual contribution to society. And, oh yeah, he’s gross, too.
 SANJAYA MALAKAR
The class clown is operating under the delusion that he’s the class stud.
 DON IMUS
Fake cowboy, real racist
Long before he called the (predominantly black) Rutgers womens’ basketball team a bunch of “nappy-headed hos,” this leathery talk-show troll established himself as one of the ugliest faces in a medium that prizes them.
 HOWARD K. STERN
We understood the zillion-year-old billionaire: Anna Nicole Smith would sleep with anything with money. But her dalliance with this glassy-eyed, salamanderous cretin forced Americans to re-calibrate Anna’s standards: she’d screw anything with . . . kidneys? At least she was smart enough not to have a baby with him.
 KARL ROVE
Slimy puppet master, cruel politico, and skin-crawlingly awkward rapper. We’d love to sentence this genius to five years of hard labor as Barney Frank’s cabana boy.
 FLAVOR FLAV
Here’s a thought that kept us company while we were compiling the list. You know the white, pasty flakes of sputum that collect at the corners of Flav’s mouth? (Flavor crystals, we’ve taken to calling them.) Where do those go when he makes out with his ladies?
 THE FAT GUY FROM BORAT
Fat Guy from Borat
Repeated viewings of the scene in which Ken Davitian goes cheek-to-hairy-cheek with Sacha Baron Cohen’s face have been proven to cause sterility in lab rats. So feel lucky that it merely makes you want to rip your eyes out of their sockets.
 DONALD TRUMP
It’s not the greed, the preposterous comb-over, or the public bullying that turns women off any more: it’s the pursed lips and the scrunched, pineal stare. Actually, scratch that: it’s still the hair, the greed, and the bullying.