|  LARRY KING|
This septuagenarian serial monogamist makes Marge Simpson sound like Lily Allen. Rumored to have a terrible flatulence problem.
 ANN COULTER
Honorary member of the rodded gender thanks to a conspicuous Adam’s apple and complementary set of brass balls.
 JOE FRANCIS
Boy gone wild
Skeevy creator of Girls Gone Wild who bullied that LA Times reporter and stuck it to both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Short of raping his own mother, is there anything this guy could do to make him less appealing to members of the opposite gender? Oh, wait, right: a video of him with a pink dildo near his butt. Bet that’ll be a popular one in the Big House now that Francis is headed to jail on contempt-of-court charges.
|  MALE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE BOSTON PHOENIX|
Tattered. Poor. Smelly. Their manhood is measured in picas.
 DAVID LEE ROTH
Sad and lonely
In wake of his mid-career failure as a radio talk-show host, DLR debuted a newly shorn look that has us constantly mistaking him for someone’s gay Jewish aunt. Destroying Van Halen’s back catalogue by performing it with a fake bluegrass band didn’t help.
 ARTIE LANG
Unrepentant self-abusing beer-guzzling slob who plays Turtle to Howard Stern’s Vince. Animal House’s Dean Vernon Wormer said it best, Artie: “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
 RUSH LIMBAUGH
Radio blowhard/knee jerk
One-time pill-popping tub o’ lard.
 HARRY KNOWLES
Girthsome purveyor of movie and TV gossip through his Ain’t It Cool News site. Appearance-wise, combines worst traits of Mario Batali (see #67) and John Popper (see #86).
 MALCOLM GLADWELL
Sideshow Bob with a classier library card and a desk at the New Yorker.
 ANTHONY CUMIA
It was a tough call to pick just one of the unimportant, greasy co-hosts of the Opie and Anthony Show, since women are nearly universally allergic to both of them. Anthony wins by a (misshapen) nose, a pencil neck, a scraggly steel-wool excuse for a haircut, and a goatee that went out of style back in 1994.
 ALAN COLMES
As Fox News’s in-house lefty, Colmes has all the intellectual authority of a Nazi collaborator. But he made the list because he looks like Rocky Dennis, Cher’s son in Mask.
 RYAN SCHREIBER
Rock critics rank slightly below child molesters on the food chain of sexy, but Pitchfork creator Schreiber’s look is a mash-up of every bad pseudo-hipster message-boarder trope: from his conservatively fashionable haircut and the scraggly pubic-like facial hair he maintains to hide his speckled face and weak chin, to his unreadable and unaccountably influential Web site. Score: 3.2.
 TONY KORNHEISER
Sometimes an unattractive name can push a borderline awkward dude into don’t-touch-me territory. This unattractive ESPN commentator for Monday Night Football comes with several items of unfortunate baggage, not the least of which is this: who the hell wants to be Mrs. Kornheiser?
 JAMES LIPTON
Interrogator of the stars
Curiously bearded — and possibly misshapen — host of Inside the Actors Studio.
 MR. BLACKWELL
Dithering bag of bones whose relevance is on life-support, but who nonetheless makes the news cycle every year with his embarrassing list of the best- and worst-dressed celebs.
 CHUCK KLOSTERMAN
Corn-fed, ass-faced classic-rock apologist is on book five of a schtick that wore out after book two.
 BILL O’REILLY
Worst person in the world
It’s been two years since O’Reilly was accused of sexually harassing one of the producers of his TV show, with charges that he, among other revolting details, had unwanted phone sex with her — including a bizarre call in which he described his wish to rub “falafel . . . on your pussy.” Those charges were settled out of court. Settled on the air last week was his verbal ass-whupping by Geraldo Rivera, who scored an upset away-game victory on O’Reilly’s infamously unfriendly home court.
 PEREZ HILTON
Exponentially overhyped gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his actual contribution to society. And, oh yeah, he’s gross, too.
 DON IMUS
Fake cowboy, real racist
Long before he called the (predominantly black) Rutgers womens’ basketball team a bunch of “nappy-headed hos,” this leathery talk-show troll established himself as one of the ugliest faces in a medium that prizes them.