Worst in breed: Media

The 100 Unsexiest men 2007
By PHOENIX STAFF  |  April 12, 2007

[97] LARRY KING
Celebrity interlocutor  

This septuagenarian serial monogamist makes Marge Simpson sound like Lily Allen. Rumored to have a terrible flatulence problem.

[80] ANN COULTER
Hellbitch 

Honorary member of the rodded gender thanks to a conspicuous Adam’s apple and complementary set of brass balls. 

[79] JOE FRANCIS
Boy gone wild 

Skeevy creator of Girls Gone Wild who bullied that LA Times reporter and stuck it to both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Short of raping his own mother, is there anything this guy could do to make him less appealing to members of the opposite gender? Oh, wait, right: a video of him with a pink dildo near his butt. Bet that’ll be a popular one in the Big House now that Francis is headed to jail on contempt-of-court charges.

[76] MALE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE BOSTON PHOENIX
Journalistic embarrassment 

Tattered. Poor. Smelly. Their manhood is measured in picas. 

[75] DAVID LEE ROTH
Sad and lonely 

In wake of his mid-career failure as a radio talk-show host, DLR debuted a newly shorn look that has us constantly mistaking him for someone’s gay Jewish aunt. Destroying Van Halen’s back catalogue by performing it with a fake bluegrass band didn’t help.

[70] ARTIE LANG
Professional sidekick

Unrepentant self-abusing beer-guzzling slob who plays Turtle to Howard Stern’s Vince. Animal House’s Dean Vernon Wormer said it best, Artie: “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

[66] RUSH LIMBAUGH
Radio blowhard/knee jerk 

One-time pill-popping tub o’ lard. 

[61] HARRY KNOWLES
Web troll 

Girthsome purveyor of movie and TV gossip through his Ain’t It Cool News site. Appearance-wise, combines worst traits of Mario Batali (see #67) and John Popper (see #86). 

[60] MALCOLM GLADWELL
Point tipper 

Sideshow Bob with a classier library card and a desk at the New Yorker. 

[51] ANTHONY CUMIA
Radio harlot

It was a tough call to pick just one of the unimportant, greasy co-hosts of the Opie and Anthony Show, since women are nearly universally allergic to both of them. Anthony wins by a (misshapen) nose, a pencil neck, a scraggly steel-wool excuse for a haircut, and a goatee that went out of style back in 1994.

[48] ALAN COLMES
Liberal apologist 

As Fox News’s in-house lefty, Colmes has all the intellectual authority of a Nazi collaborator. But he made the list because he looks like Rocky Dennis, Cher’s son in Mask.

[39] RYAN SCHREIBER
’Fork face

Rock critics rank slightly below child molesters on the food chain of sexy, but Pitchfork creator Schreiber’s look is a mash-up of every bad pseudo-hipster message-boarder trope: from his conservatively fashionable haircut and the scraggly pubic-like facial hair he maintains to hide his speckled face and weak chin, to his unreadable and unaccountably influential Web site. Score: 3.2.

[37] TONY KORNHEISER
Roundtablist 

Sometimes an unattractive name can push a borderline awkward dude into don’t-touch-me territory. This unattractive ESPN commentator for Monday Night Football comes with several items of unfortunate baggage, not the least of which is this: who the hell wants to be Mrs. Kornheiser?

[32] JAMES LIPTON
Interrogator of the stars

Curiously bearded — and possibly misshapen — host of Inside the Actors Studio.

[27] MR. BLACKWELL
Fashion cop

Dithering bag of bones whose relevance is on life-support, but who nonetheless makes the news cycle every year with his embarrassing list of the best- and worst-dressed celebs.

[17] CHUCK KLOSTERMAN
Fratboy humorist

Corn-fed, ass-faced classic-rock apologist is on book five of a schtick that wore out after book two.

[16] BILL O’REILLY
Worst person in the world

It’s been two years since O’Reilly was accused of sexually harassing one of the producers of his TV show, with charges that he, among other revolting details, had unwanted phone sex with her — including a bizarre call in which he described his wish to rub “falafel . . . on your pussy.” Those charges were settled out of court. Settled on the air last week was his verbal ass-whupping by Geraldo Rivera, who scored an upset away-game victory on O’Reilly’s infamously unfriendly home court.

[8] PEREZ HILTON
Bloggist 

Exponentially overhyped gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his actual contribution to society. And, oh yeah, he’s gross, too.

[6] DON IMUS
Fake cowboy, real racist

Long before he called the (predominantly black) Rutgers womens’ basketball team a bunch of “nappy-headed hos,” this leathery talk-show troll established himself as one of the ugliest faces in a medium that prizes them.

MORE OF 2007 UNSEXIEST MEN: CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL LIST!

Related: The 100 unsexiest men 2007: 40-31, The 100 unsexiest men 2007: 80-71, Worst in breed: Newsmakers, More more >
  Topics: Ultimate Lists , Celebrity News, Entertainment, BLACKWELL Fashion,  More more >
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