Pugilism sound

By MATT TAIBBI  |  August 15, 2007

In any case, Murchison sounds like a first-class jerk. Let’s give him 60 points on the Rack, more pending conviction.

Face breakers
One consistent feature of fights involving football players is the broken facial bone. You seldom see it with baseball or basketball players, and less often than you’d think with hockey types. But football players? Even the girly positions like wide receivers and punters? They break folks’ faces.

Last week, the always-good-for-a-sports-crime University of Colorado suspended three players for a face-breaking-related incident. (Note: Rick Neuheisel coached at Colorado, too.) Sophomore linebacker Michael Sipili is out indefinitely. Defensive tackles Chris Perri and Taj Kaynor are out three games and one game, respectively. The three were walking on campus together last week....

Here we introduce one of the other constants of the sports-fight story: the 22-year-old bystander with the cute girlfriend who walks by the wrong spot at the wrong time and is stuck having to defend his girl’s honor against three ’roided-up Sasquatches with cabbage-sized fists.

In this case, the bystander was a student named John Antrim, who was walking with a friend named James Terry and three female friends. One of the women apparently confronted Perri after he said something “offensive” to her. You can imagine the rest — Terry stepped in to aid the girl and got punched out by Perri, and then Antrim got it from Sipili after he tried to help Terry.

Antrim suffered three facial fractures that required surgery. Not surprisingly, he declined comment to reporters last week.

We saw a similar story in May — also in Colorado! — when Broncos receiver David “Circus” Kirkus broke a dude’s face after the dude intervened in an argument Kirkus was having with a woman. Generally speaking, we see this story at least a few times a year: remember Lee Roy Selmon Jr. (son of the famous Lee Roy?), a USF football player who caved in a 20 year old’s face? How about current Miami Dolphin Channing Crowder, whose bar-fight victim needed reconstructive surgery? And let’s not give all the credit to the football community — there was also Xavier hoopster Will Caudle, who a few years ago apparently broke five bones in the eye orbit of some poor sap he sucker-punched in a bar called Soupie’s in Norwood, Ohio.

Give Sipili 40 points (a few extra for overzealousness; it wasn’t even his argument), Perri 36, and Kaynor 30 for not stopping it.

When he’s not googling “heinous Huskies” and “face casts,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.

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