Pugilism sound

By MATT TAIBBI  |  August 15, 2007

LEADER BOARD TOP 10
PACMAN JONES (TITANS)
| multiple offenses, leaving dude paralyzed, having rocks in his tiny head | 110
LAVON CHISLEY (PENN STATE) | murder (case pending) | 99
JIMMY LEON WILSON (MONTANA) | murder (case pending) | 99
LOREN WADE (ARIZONA STATE) | murder, second degree | 98
STEVE SWINDAL (YANKEES) | DUI | 98
RON ARTEST (KINGS) | starving Socks, domestic violence, intimidation | 95
DOMINIC JONES (MINNESOTA) | cell-phone video rapist (case pending) | 90
CURLY-HAIRED BOYFRIEND (GLOBE) | making strange, heated phone calls to strangers | 90
ELIJAH DUKES (D-RAYS) | stalking, threats, weed, multiple busts, being a dick | 82
TOM PARROS (RETIRED, RAIDERS) | creepy teen sex assault | 80
JULIO MATEO (MARINERS) | punching, biting wife | 80
RICHARD SEIGLER (STEELERS) | pimping | 79
MURIETTA JOCKS (MURIETTA FIGHT CLUB) | various | 75
DERRICK DAVIS (MONTANA STATE) | punching, throwing things at women | 70
A.J. NICHOLSON (BENGALS) | hitting girlfriend, inducing her to say she hit herself | 69
TONE TAUPULE (IDAHO) | pistol-whipping, armed robbery | 62
JORDAN MURCHISON (U. OF WASHINGTON) | girl-beating, hair-pulling, being a dick | 60
BRYANT MCNEAL (RAIDERS) | bilking a pawnbroker and, worse, a dentist | 50
JUSTIN MILLER (JETS) | accidental girl-punching, getting caught on foot by cops | 50
SCOTT OLSEN (MARLINS) | getting Tasered, getting beat up by one’s own teammates, being a boorish clown with a lollipop breaking ball | 48
SIX FOOTBALL PLAYERS (GUILFORD) | assault | 50 (downgraded)
KATSUHIKO MAEKAWA (ORIX BUFFALOES) | DUI, hit/run | 47
RONNIE FIELDS (MINOT SKYROCKETS) | sex assault | 40
MICHAEL SIPILI (COLORADO) | breaking dude’s face in three places | 40
MIKE GILLESPIE (FLORIDA A&M) | lurking, pseudo-stalking | 38
ANDRE JONES (TEXAS) | home invasion (case pending) | 38
WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER DEWAR (CMU) | window peeping | 38
DAVID “CIRCUS” KIRCUS (BRONCOS) | breaking dude’s face | 36
CHRIS PERRI (COLORADO) | pounding on dude who tried to protect his girlfriend | 36
JUSTIN JACKSON (TENNESSEE) | slinging rock | 33
JERRAMY STEVENS (SEAHAWKS) | DUI, weed, throwing used condoms | 32
LIONEL SULLIVAN (BGSU) | stealing video games, being a dumbass | 31
DEX REID (COLTS) | weed, gun, being a Colt, sucking while a Patriot | 30
TAJ KAYNOR (COLORADO) | not stopping his asshole teammates from beating the tar out of two innocent guys | 30
MARVIN JONES (IDAHO) | dealing coke to undercover cops, getting caught for same | 30
MIKE TYSON (N/A) | coke, DUI | 28
RASHAUN BROADUS (BYU) | DUI, having Snoop Dogg’s last name | 26
GUSTAVO CHACIN (BLUE JAYS) | DUI, having cologne named after him | 26
TONY LA RUSSA (CARDINALS) | DUI | 25
RYAN KRAUSE (CHARGERS) | DUI | 25
HENRY MELTON (TEXAS) | DUI | 25
TANK JOHNSON (CHICAGO BEARS) | DUI | 25
MAURICE PURIFY (NEBRASKA) | DUI ETC | 25
GAINESVILLE POLICE (FLA.) | entrapping with dimebags, being sneaky fucks | 23
DONTRELLE WILLIS (MARLINS) | DUI, peeing | 23
BATMAN CARROLL (JAGUARS) | gun, ecstasy, sucking | 22
CHARLES SHARON (JAGUARS) | stolen gun | 22
DARRELL REID (COLTS) | weed-in-car, being a Colt | 20
RANDY FOYE (T-WOLVES) | fighting | 20
MINNY P.D. (MINN.) | Tasering | 20
KRIS LUCHSINGER (OHIO) | bar fight | 18
GERALD SENSABAUGH (JAGUARS) | gun, speeding | 17
TINSLEY, DANIELS, MCLEOD (PACERS) | fighting | 15
TARELL BROWN (TEXAS) | pre-draft weed bust | 11
STEVE GARCIA (SOUTH CAROLINA) | keying a professor’s car, not getting away with it | 9
ROBERT ANTHONY GRANT (FORT HAYS STATE) | fugitive balling | 6
ERIC SCOTT (UCLA) | weird-ass burglary case | 6
MOBILE P.D. (ALA.) | being dicks | 5
ANTHONY WATERS (CHARGERS) | assault, being a Charger | 5
ANDRAY BLATCHE (WIZARDS) | soliciting undercover cop-chick on eve of contract signing | 3
HOWARD STIRGUS (DENTON) | bomb threats | 3
DERMARR JOHNSON (NUGGETS) |getting Tasered | 2
MIKE TAYLOR (IOWA STATE) | stealing $11.06| 1.5
KYLE MCALARNEY (NOTRE DAME) | weed | 1
TERRANCE DESHAWN HOOKS (BYU) | weed | 1
BRANDON JAMES AND BRANDON POWELL (FLORIDA) | victims of petty weed entrapment | -9

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