We're not going to talk about it

By MATT TAIBBI  |  February 6, 2008

Newsom arranged the scheme through a company he started called Real Sports Investments, which was hoping to replicate the business model for other players. The investment structure was apparently modeled after a bond issue once made against David Bowie’s future earnings as collateral for an insurance policy. But this scheme was deemed illegal, and Newsom was forced to give back his investors’ money, since the shares were available to the general public.

Seems to me that a guy who can’t wait a couple of years to make his big-league jack isn’t a good investment. Stick to working on your change-up, Randy.

Scant info
According to The Register-Guard in Eugene, Oregon, a University of Oregon football player named Derrick Jones was arrested this past week for the highly unusual offense of “maintaining a drug house.” Oregon is one of many states that has one of these absurd “drug house” laws, which in most cases allow neighbors to call in tips to police, report some neighbor’s property as a “drug house,” and then force the eviction of said neighbor after police make an undercover buy at that location. The amounts required to be on the property in order for the scene to be labeled a “drug house” vary from state to state, but in Oregon the bar is apparently set quite low, as Jones was arrested with “less than an ounce.”

This isn’t the first time Jones has been in the box. He was arrested in October for driving with a suspended sentence, and even missed a game as a result. Oregon tends to be a bit harsher with its in-school discipline than other colleges, so look out for real measures to be taken. For our part, I think we can all agree that it is simply not right to give a guy a hard time for having weed on his property. One point for Jones — they did throw a contempt-of-court charge on top of the drug thing, apparently a failure-to-appear ticket.

When he’s not googling “Tigers in stripes” and “near-blind Cougars,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.

Leader Board
| DUI manslaughter | 90
ADAM “PACMAN” JONES (TITANS) | being a menace to peaceful strip-club patrons everywhere | 50
JOHN STEPHENS (EX-PATRIOTS) | sex-assault fugitive | 48
DAVID CORNACCHIA (FLA. EVERBLADES) | mid-flight assault, head-butting bystanders, exposing wine-shrunken wiener | 46
BRANDON PETTIGREW (OKLAHOMA STATE) | elbowing Stillwater’s finest | 42
CHANNING CROWDER (DOLPHINS) | leaving the scene, making good early impression on Bill Parcells | 30
DANIEL GRAHAM (BRONCOS) | ambiguous domestic-violence beef; hit a bedpost | 30
JASON HORTON (MISSOURI) | beating up “kitchen help” | 30
TYRONE NESBY (EX-CLIPPERS) | ginormous child-support debt | 30
XAVIER HICKS (WASHINGTON STATE) | putting rubbing alcohol in roommate’s contact-lens case| 22
DEMARCUS GRANGER (OKLAHOMA) | stealing winter coat — in Arizona; refusing to appear | 21
RANDY NEWSOM (AKRON AEROS) | sold shares in his future earnings in dicey scheme that Ponzi would have admired | 18
GERALD JONES AND AHMAD PAIGE (TENNESSEE) | Cheech and Chong/Up in Smoke impersonation, while in car | 12
SHAUN WHITE (X-TREME SPORTS) | spraying fire extinguisher, acting like the little douchebag he is | 11
DERRICK JONES (OREGON) | operating a less-than-one-ounce “drug house” | 1

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