Must be the genes

By MATT TAIBBI  |  March 12, 2008

Bad recruit
Speaking of USC . . . the Trojans had a tough week, as incoming highly touted linebacker recruit Maurice Simmons was busted for what looks to be an armed street-mugging. According to police, Simmons, who played linebacker for Dominguez High in Compton, was pulled over by cops shortly after a pedestrian was robbed on the streets. “We were flagged down by the victim,” a police spokesman said. Simmons was allegedly found in possession of the victim’s belongings, and there was a gun in the car he was driving. It is believed he was the wheel man while another man, a Lamont Hall, may have committed the actual robbery.

Simmons comes from a football family. His older brother Melvin played for the Trojans in 2002 and 2003. His other older brother, Marvin, committed to USC but ended up at Kansas State after a Pac-10 investigation into the entrance test he passed.

Pete Carroll hasn’t said yet exactly how pumped and jacked he is about this arrest. A school official said Carroll is “monitoring the situation.” Meaning, if Simmons gets off, he gets in. Fifty points for any armed robbery, but let’s all reserve judgment while Maurice is still courtside. No word yet on when this thing goes to trial.

When he’s not googling “all in the family” and “two out of three ain’t bad,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached

) | DUI manslaughter | 90
JEROME MATHIS (TEXANS) | choking pregnant baby-momma | 75
FABIAN WASHINGTON (RAIDERS) | red marks on girlfriend’s neck | 70
JEREMY ELDER (ALABAMA) | late-night stickup | 55
ADAM “PACMAN” JONES (TITANS) | being a menace to peaceful strip-club patrons everywhere | 50
MAURICE SIMMONS (USC) | being the wheel man for an armed Compton mugging | 50
SHAWNE WILLIAMS (PACERS) | harboring an accused first-degree murderer | 50
JOHN STEPHENS (EX-PATRIOTS) | sex-assault fugitive | 48
DAVID CORNACCHIA (FLA. EVERBLADES) | mid-flight assault, head-butting bystanders, exposing wine-shrunken wiener | 46
BRANDON PETTIGREW (OKLAHOMA STATE) | elbowing Stillwater’s finest | 42
SCOTT SPIEZIO (CARDINALS) | flipping a car in the OC, staggering away from the scene, going mental at some random citizen | 31
CHANNING CROWDER (DOLPHINS) | leaving the scene, making good early impression on Bill Parcells | 30
DANIEL GRAHAM (BRONCOS) | ambiguous domestic-violence beef; hit a bedpost | 30
JASON HORTON (MISSOURI) | beating up “kitchen help” | 30
TYRONE NESBY (EX-CLIPPERS) | ginormous child-support debt | 30
RICHARD TODD BURGER (EX-JETS) | leg-breaking for Internet gambling site | 28
BRITTON COLQUITT (TENNESSEE) | DUI, hitting a car, hitting tree stump, then walking away from the scene | 28
RYAN O’BYRNE (CANADIENS) | stealing a chick’s purse | 27
XAVIER HICKS (WASHINGTON STATE) | putting rubbing alcohol in roommate’s contact-lens case| 22
DEMARCUS GRANGER (OKLAHOMA) | stealing winter coat — in Arizona; refusing to appear | 21
RANDY NEWSOM (AKRON AEROS) | sold shares in his future earnings in dicey scheme that Ponzi would have admired | 18
GERALD JONES AND AHMAD PAIGE (TENNESSEE) | Cheech and Chong/Up in Smoke impersonation, while in car | 12
SHAUN WHITE (X-TREME SPORTS) | spraying fire extinguisher, acting like the little douchebag he is | 11
MIKHAIL MARINOVICH (SYRACUSE) | breaking into a school equipment room; adding another arrest to the family ledger | 10
DERRICK JONES (OREGON) | operating a less-than-one-ounce “drug house” | 1
KEVIN FAULK (PATRIOTS) | contributing to the cancer-like misery of Patriots fans | 0.5

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