Bear season

By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 2, 2008

Two members of Oregon State University’s baseball team, sophomore pitcher Jorge Reyes and junior outfielder John Wallace, were arrested after their decision to shoot cans at 1:30 am in former OSU player Anton Maxwell’s Corvallis, Oregon, back yard went sideways — well, diagonally, as it turns out, into the house and yard of a neighbor’s property. Two shots hit the neighbor’s car, shattering a window and damaging the windshield, while another shot went through a bedroom window. Nobody was hurt, but that appeared to be dumb luck, since two people were home at the time.

Now here’s the really weird kicker. Police insisted that alcohol did “not appear to be a factor in this case.” Shooting at a house in the middle of the night, smashing not one but two windows (don’t you stop after you hear the first one break?), and you’re not drunk? They say baseball players are the dumbest of all athletes, but you seldom see really good evidence of that. Until now. Enjoy the Class-C felony for unlawful use of a weapon, boys — and your 37 points.

When he’s not googling “not-so-rosy Grier” and “shot through the house, and they’re to blame,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached

| DUI manslaughter | 90
JEROME MATHIS (TEXANS) | choking pregnant babymama | 75
FABIAN WASHINGTON (RAIDERS) | red marks on girlfriend’s neck | 70
JAMES HARRISON (STEELERS) | punching girlfriend to facilitate baptism | 60
ANDY CHRISTENSEN (NEBRASKA) | wantonly grabbing unguarded vagina in bar | 55
JEREMY ELDER (ALABAMA) | late-night stickup | 55
CEDRIC WILSON (STEELERS) | punching girlfriend, but not in order to facilitate a baptism | 55
ADAM “PACMAN” JONES (TITANS) | being a menace to peaceful strip-club patrons everywhere | 50
MAURICE SIMMONS (USC) | being the wheelman for a Compton armed mugging | 50
SHAWNE WILLIAMS (PACERS) | harboring an accused first-degree murderer | 50
JOHN STEPHENS (EX-PATRIOTS) | sex-assault fugitive | 48
DAVID CORNACCHIA (FLA. EVERBLADES) | mid-flight assault, head-butting bystanders, exposing wine-shrunken wiener | 46
BRANDON PETTIGREW (OKLAHOMA STATE) | elbowing Stillwater’s finest | 42
RIAR GEER (COLORADO) | randomly assaulting two students, being an asshole | 40
JOSH JARBOE (OKLAHOMA) | bringing totally unnecessary .380 handgun to track meet | 40
LYNN KATOA (COLORADO) | campus assault | 40
JORGE REYES AND JOHN WALLACE (OREGON) | being dumbasses and shooting .22 rounds into a neighbor’s house | 37
SCOTT SPIEZIO (CARDINALS) | flipping a car in the OC, staggering away from the scene, going mental at some random citizen | 31
CHANNING CROWDER (DOLPHINS) | leaving the scene, making good early impression on Bill Parcells | 30
DANIEL GRAHAM (BRONCOS) | ambiguous domestic-violence beef; hit a bedpost | 30
JASON HORTON (MISSOURI) | beating up “kitchen help” | 30
TYRONE NESBY (EX-CLIPPERS) | ginormous child-support debt | 30
DAN ROONEY (STEELERS) | hypocritical defense of girlfriend-punching players, but only the good ones | 30
RICHARD TODD BURGER (EX-JETS) | leg-breaking for Internet gambling site | 28
BRITTON COLQUITT (TENNESSEE) | DUI, hitting a car, hitting tree stump, then walking away from the scene | 28
RYAN O’BYRNE (CANADIENS) | stealing a chick’s purse | 27
XAVIER HICKS (WASHINGTON STATE) | putting rubbing alcohol in roommate’s contact-lens case| 22
DEMARCUS GRANGER (OKLAHOMA) | stealing winter coat — in Arizona; refusing to appear | 21
RANDY NEWSOM (AKRON AEROS) | sold shares in his future earnings in dicey scheme that Ponzi would have admired | 18
GERALD JONES AND AHMAD PAIGE (TENNESSEE) | Cheech and Chong/Up in Smoke impersonation, while in car | 12
SHAUN WHITE (X-TREME SPORTS) | spraying fire extinguisher, acting like the little douchebag he is | 11
MIKHAIL MARINOVICH (SYRACUSE) | breaking into a school equipment room; adding another arrest to the family ledger | 10
DERRICK JONES (OREGON) | operating a less-than-one-ounce “drug house” | 1
KEVIN FAULK (PATRIOTS) | contributing to the cancer-like misery of Patriots fans | 0.5
BRYAN GRIER (MAINE) | weighing 344 pounds and power-carjacking in New Hampshire | INCOMPLETE (pending psych review)

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