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Hello, Larry

The really weird thing about Phillips is that he seemed to know that he was a knucklehead. Some guys — take Pacman Jones, for instance (see next item) — try hard to say the right thing, but you can tell they really think that they’ve got it figured out. You never got that sense with Phillips. He knew he was a screw-up. But he lived in a series of foster homes growing up and just never learned to control his temper. Coaches tried the indulgence method (Nebraska’s Tom Osborne should have, but didn’t, cut him after he — you guessed it — dragged a girl down a flight of stairs, bashing her head into a mailbox), and failed. The story just basically sucks all around. Now Phillips sits atop our list, beating our fellow former Cornhusker Thunder Collins.

Meanwhile, in Dallas
There’s a new tale involving the next generation’s Lawrence Phillips, Adam “Pacman” Jones of the Cowboys. Jones, who was suspended all of this past season after getting arrested nineteen hundred billion times as a Tennessee Titan, was allowed back in the league this year only after Cowboys owner Jerry Jones convinced commissioner Roger Goodell to put his balls in a storage closet prior to a summer disciplinary hearing. We were told after the reinstatement that Pacman would be bounced straight to Siberia if he so much as sneezed on a parking meter in 2008.

Well, police were called this past week after Pacman was involved in a hotel altercation with Tommy Jones (another Jones!), a security guy essentially hired by the team to babysit the cornerback. Jerry Jones has already blamed the matter on the babysitter (whom he himself hired!), but the league doesn’t seem to be buying it — Pacman was suspended indefinitely n Tuesday for violation of the NFL’s personal-conduct policy. Don’t be surprised to see him meth-skating with Todd Marinovich in the Valley real soon.

When he’s not googling “breaking the Lawrence” and “Cowboys and idiots,”Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atm_taibbi@yahoo.com.