Kelly's zeroes

By MATT TAIBBI  |  March 17, 2010

We've been arguing for years in this column that, sooner or later, some high-profile athlete is going to get killed in a Taser incident. Well, he wasn't an athlete, but right around the time Toliver was getting zapped in Baton Rouge, a gay-porn actor named Andrew Grande (a/k/a Dustin Michaels) was Tasered by Florida cops after a struggle — and died. Three policemen were on the scene and could have subdued the guy physically, but instead they Tasered him and he ended up choking to death after trying to swallow his stash. Bet on it: sooner or later, it's going to be some coked-out hockey player or post-strip-club NBA star getting zipped up in a bag.

Matt Taibbi can be reached at m_taibbi@yahoo.com.

LEADER BOARD
BOGDAN RUDENKO (COLORADO SPRINGS GOLD KINGS) | murder | 90
BRENT VINSON (EX-TENNESSEE) | accessory to murder | 89
MIGUEL STARKS AND REGINALD RICE (THE CITADEL) | Clockwork Orange–style home invasion | 88
WARREN SAPP (EX-BUCS) | girlfriend-choking | 63
GARY BROWN (FLORIDA) | girl-hitting/scratching | 58
LAMICHAEL JAMES (OREGON) | girlfriend-choking | 58
DEON ANDERSON (COWBOYS) | scary gun-waving incident | 50
GERALD AND BRANDON LAIRD, AND THEIR CRAZY-ASS GRANDPA (TIGERS, YANKEES) | messing with Eddie House's wife, attacking security guards | 48
GILBERT ARENAS (WIZARDS) | fun with guns | 40
CHRIS TERRY (EX-CHIEFS, BENGALS) | a standard "Bulldog" | 35
DUSTY DVORACEK (BEARS) | being a big hulking drunken menace to bouncers | 31
TERRANCE TOLIVER (LSU) | resisting arrest, getting himself Tasered | 31
KIKO ALONSO (OREGON) | DUI; another arrested Duck | 25
CHRISCHELIOS (CHICAGO WOLVES) | DUI | 25
REY MAUALUGA (BENGALS) | driving drunk en route to teenie ménage a trois | 25
JEREMIAH MASOLI AND GARRETT EMBRY (OREGON) | boosting laptops | 20
GUY MORRISS (TEXAS A&M COMMERCE) | suppressing First Amendment | 19
TERRY GLENN (EX-PATRIOTS) | blew off rental-car bill | 9
CHARLES ROGERS (EX-LIONS) | violated court order by passing out drunk in a plate of Mexican food | 8
COREY STOKES (VILLANOVA) | peeing between cars | 0.43

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