Teenage Bottlerocket All-Time Best Band : The Dirty Dogs All-Time Best Solo Artist : Jeb Loy Nichols Best New Band : Teenage Bottlerocket Eric “Roscoe” Ambel has been a Del-Lord, a Blackheart, and the lead guitarist for the Dukes (Steve Earle’s band), but before all that, while at the University of Wyoming...

Bon Iver All-Time Best Band : Violent Femmes All-Time Best Solo Artist : Brother Ali Best New Band : Bon Iver Being talented, being influential, being prolific — they all go a long way toward securing yourself a spot on a somewhat arbitrary “best” list. But what about being lovable? Unless a pair of...

Bobaflex All-Time Best Band : Karma To Burn All-Time Best Solo Artist : Hasil Adkins Best New Band : Bobaflex Instru-metal cultists KARMA TO BURN built on the doomriding ballast of ’90s desert-thrashers Kyuss while anticipating the ’00s indie-headbanger revival that gave rise to Pelican. They sold ominous...

Orthrelm All-Time Best Band : Fugazi All-Time Best Solo Artist : Marvin Gaye Best New Band : Orthrelm FUGAZI ’s facial disposition has slackened from militant pout to goofy smile over the course of their 18-year recording career (wait, have they broken up or what?) — and thank heavens. The best part...

Fleet Foxes All-Time Best Band : Nirvana All-Time Best Solo Artist : Jimi Hendrix Best New Band : Fleet Foxes We offer this with apologies to the Sonics, Sleater-Kinney, and Calvin Johnson, all of whom managed to age gracefully. Kurt and Jimi, meanwhile, are honorary members of that “stupid club” — the...

Truman Sparks All-Time Best Band : The Neptunes All-Time Best Solo Artist : Patsy Cline Best New Band : Truman Sparks To our knowledge, nobody dislikes the NEPTUNES . (Then again, we don’t really poll joyless buzzkills.) Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo have doubtless already received puh-lenty of blowjobs...

Rudy Vallee All-Time Best Band : Phish All-Time Best Solo Artist : Rudy Vallee Best New Act : Yvel Ah, PHISH , where does one begin? Does one note that even earnest, sweet-natured music critics would be hard-pressed to name a Phish song, despite their mega-popularity? Or does one point out that the band...

Gaza All-Time Best Band : The Osmonds All-Time Best Solo Artist : Donny Osmond Best New Band : Gaza After ripping off black artists in every conceivable permutation, white people did it yet again when the OSMONDS turned the difficult trick of stealing the “quintet of brothers” concept from the Jackson...

White Denim All-Time Best Band: 13th Floor Elevators All-Time Best Solo Artist: Roy Orbison Best New Band: White Denim Roky Erickson and his band of outsiders might not live at the top of your iTunes (even when sorted alphabetically), but a Texas helping of the bands you do have on there can thank the...

Jay Reatard All-Time Best Band: Big Star All-Time Best Solo Artist: Aretha Franklin Best New Act: Jay Reatard BIG STAR often get pegged as a “band’s band,” a term that essentially cockblocked them from a greater, warmer, and more well-deserved reception for years. That is, until the mid ’80s, when everyone...