X-ING THE EX
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I went out with this woman for about six months and we broke it off a couple of years ago because she said she didn't have time for a relationship. For the last 10 months, I've been seeing someone else whom I really care about. Now, all of a sudden, my ex has surfaced and indicated that she is available. I'd like to be friends with her, but I don't want to upset my current girlfriend. How can I do this?
Mr. Confused
Dear Mr. Confused,
C'mon, you can't be that confused. You've been seeing someone who you care about for the last 10 months. Stick with it. In truth, you don't know if your former girlfriend is just fickle (there are certainly some red flags indicating that that just might be the case). As far as being "friends" with her, I wouldn't even attempt that at this time as she has let it be known that she is "available." That translates to Dr. Lovemonkey as being available for romance. See the positive and healthy relationship that you seem to have now through.
THE VO DILUN WAY
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I recently moved to the East Coast from the West Coast and discovered that the cold weather in this region seems to carry over to the social scene. Don't get me wrong — I love Providence. But it was much easier to meet women and date in Los Angeles. In LA, I found that people were less parochial and more willing to have a conversation with someone they just met. Do you have any advice on how a guy can cope in an environment that is more reserved than I am used to? Also, are there activities, events, places (beyond the Phoenix Personals) where people are open to meeting new people? I hope you can help me. I like the city, I like the people, but it is a very challenging social climate. Thanks for your help.
Not Really California Dreaming
Dear Not Really,
How kind of you to describe the chilly reception you have received as "reserved." See, that's your problem. The key to getting along in the "dating scene" (or whatever you want to call it) in the Biggest Little is something Dr. Lovemonkey likes to call "open hostility." The operative phrase or pickup line here would be, "What the fuck you lookin' at?" Nobody cares about which sign of the zodiac you were born under or what your blood type is. We here in Rhode Island have a blunt charm that is often misunderstood. The local mating rituals may seem a little cold to the Vo Dilun arriviste, but mastering the local social skills is a must. Allow me to give another example: any sophistication about food comes in handy only if you are looking for love in the smallest of circles. We have many marvelous restaurants around here, but we also have one of the highest doughnut retail stores-per-customer ratios in the world. Once, while on one of my many anthropological journeys to a local singles watering hole, Dr. Lovemonkey came upon a young Vo Dilun native, resplendent in his gold chains and late '70s disco apparel, holding forth at the bar. A couple of young ladies sat nearby, discussing the relative merits of corn chips versus pretzels, when our hero struck up a conversation about the glories of Chinese food. He said, "I love that spicy Saskatchewan food." The women were charmed by this faux sophistication and, despite the fact that they later settled on calamari, the larger point is that our boy scored. Sure, the relationship was short-lived due to our protagonist's being apprehended later that week on an outstanding warrant (Dr. Lovemonkey does like to do follow-ups on his field studies), but the fact is that for a brief and shining moment, his dating technique worked like a charm.
