The Unrealists cried out for Olympia and Susan to save their meager resources. But Susan and Olympia were not to be found. The Unrealists searched in the realm of the righteous, the state of the steadfast, and the vacation spot of the virtuous, all without success. It wasn't until they noticed something crouching behind the evil senators' cauldron that they discovered their missing champions.
It was Olympia and Susan, their arms greasy all the way to the elbows from pulling slimy earmarks out of the pot and stuffing them in the budget bill. Money for potato blight research, cash to restore historic lighthouses; in all, their excesses totaled $21 million.
Noticing they'd drawn the crowd's attention, Olympia and Susan attempted to bluster their way out of this embarrassing situation.
Earmarks, they said (in a joint statement issued March 4), are "an appropriate exercise of congressional budget authority ... Rather than unelected government bureaucrats deciding how to allocate taxpayer dollars, we believe that decision should be made by elected officials who, operating under an entirely open process, are held directly accountable by their constituencies."
But how, cried the Unrealists, can you support earmarks after all your rhetoric about wasteful spending?
"The test is if it can survive the light of day," said Olympia, "rather than be tucked in during the dark of night." (Sun Journal, March 6.)
"People have to justify them," said Susan, "and they must have community support." (Sun Journal, March 6.)
We get it, said the Unrealists. The moral of this tale is:
Wasteful spending is spending done by other people.
Reach me like magic by e-mailing aldiamon@herniahill.net.
