I was under the impression the Greens favor turning 20th-century skills into 19th-century jobs.
Because she's an environmentalist, many political analysts believe Williams is already committed to tick bites as her skin disease of choice. But some insiders say she'll endorse chicken pox, in an effort to capture votes of suburban types who've taken to raising poultry.
Not all governor-wannabes are so prosaic. Republican state Representative Joshua Tardy waxed semi-poetic in a 2008 Bangor Daily News op-ed: "There is nothing like summer in Maine, with our warm days and cool nights and trees and flowers in full bloom."
Tardy is clearly unafraid of offending fans of fall, winter, and spring. May he be as forthright in his quest to elevate shingles to iconic status.
Space considerations prevent me from offering detailed assessments of the vague ideological statements — and even less precise dermatological ones — put forward by Republicans Peter Mills and Les Otten, Democrats John Richardson and Patrick McGowan, and other quasi-undeclared candidates. May their less-than-inspiring campaigns have rosacea, glandular disorders, and boils visited upon them.
There is, however, one gubernatorial hopeful who isn't afraid to speak his mind — or whatever it is he keeps under his hat. Waterville Mayor Paul LePage, a Republican, was quoted recently in the Morning Sentinel on the possibility someone might open a topless coffee shop in his fair city.
"I think eating doughnuts and drinking coffee and watching strippers is repulsive," LePage said. "That's bad for indigestion."
He's not just opposed to skin diseases. He's against skin.
Rash comments can be e-mailed to me ataldiamon@herniahill.net.
