HUH?
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been talking with this woman for about two months. We went out a lot and we decided to be together. She then became very distant and wanted to be friends since we couldn't see each other as much. She never calls or responds to my calls. I have a reason to believe that her cousin has something to do with this. I can't stop thinking about her. What should I do?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Dr. Lovemonkey is a bit confused as well. Is it this woman or her cousin that you can't stop thinking about? The introduction of this woman's cousin into the scenario might be helpful if you could give me even a tiny clue as to who he/she is and what he/she has to do with you and this woman. Perhaps the woman has found you too vague to want to continue in a relationship. I have reason to believe that this might have something to do with it.
LIVING DOLL
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My girlfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years and she has one little habit that annoys me — she feels that it's necessary to dress me. I don't claim to be a sharp dresser, but I think that I have reasonably good fashion sense. She doesn't seem to think so, though, and she is constantly scavenging through my old clothes and tossing out things she doesn't like (despite the fact that it might be something I like). When we go shopping, she does much of the selecting of my clothes. It's not so much that I don't go along with her taste in these matters as that I think that I'm losing something of my identity by allowing her to make these kinds of decisions. Should I put my foot down and insist that I make the decisions about what kind of clothes I wear, or should I continue to bow to her choices?
R.F.
Dear R.F.,
Many women started out as little girls playing with Barbie dolls. Not only did they get Barbie, but Barbie's crew as well — i.e., Ken, Skipper, and an entire stock company of homies. Some young boys, meanwhile, were developing a fashion sense from assorted superheroes and action figures or experiences in Cub Scouts and Little League. From the female point of view, khakis, camouflage, team uniforms, capes, and tights are a pretty dumb-ass look. There is also the belief that straight men have no fashion sense. There is much evidence to support this theory, and the intelligent hetero woman often will bring up the polyester crimes of the disco era as prima facie proof that there is something inherently suspicious about the male fashion gene (gay and straight, in this instance). Even though you may be one of that rare breed who has a bit of fashion sense, you cannot fight the tides of history. As a result, I suggest that you give in to your girlfriend. Change your name to "Ken" and allow her to dress you. Do, however, keep a box of flannel shirts, Dockers, and baseball caps buried in your backyard. On occasion, sneak out, dig them up, and prance about in them and call yourself "Joe." Then, go back and be "Ken."
