Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I’m 25 years old and have a problem committing to relationships. I get to know a guy that I like, and we make a great connection, but after about a month I get weird and back out. I make excuses about not being satisfied for some reason and sabotage the relationship. I regret it afterwards. I’m currently with a guy I really like, but those scared, “now’s the time to run” feelings are setting in. Why am I so afraid to get close to someone even if things are going great? It seems to happen overnight. What do I do?
_Emmy
Dear Emmy,
At the beginning of most relationships, there is excitement — the thrill of the chase, with a lot of attention being given. It’s fabulous. When we first get to know someone, it is easy to have fantasies and expectations of what it will be like to be with them. The reality rarely holds up. Sometimes it does, and with a situation like that, you’ve got to hold on.
Think about your blown opportunities to see if you detect any patterns. Do you lose interest once things start settling in? It could be that these guys are not right for you, and you might be following your instincts. Perhaps you’re just not ready for a serious relationship. Or you might need some counseling help. At least you are cognizant of this behavior, and the time is ripe for you to try and get some answers.
Artful lodger
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. He’s in college, lives with his parents, and has no job, so I finance pretty much everything we do. That I have spent quite a bit of money on this man is only a minor irritation. In all this time, the only nice thing he has ever said to me was that he likes how I give him massages. We never talk on the phone, because I don’t want to feel like I’m pestering him. He doesn’t return half of my e-mails. We have never had a discussion on the state of the relationship. I think it’s time. He spends three or four days a week at my apartment. If he doesn’t love me by now, he never will, will he?
_E.B., 24
Dear E.B.,
If this guy is not giving you what you need, and doesn’t attempt to change the situation after you’ve told him what you need, he’s got to go. You must discuss these things with him. It sounds like a very one-sided relationship, and you deserve better. Have the big talk with him. If he can’t come around, there are plenty of other guys out there for you to meet. Some even have jobs and are emotionally stable and mature. Check it out.
Talent scout
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a friend who sometimes e-mails me hilarious video clips — like the one in which Adam Corolla put a microphone in a stuffed deer, strapped the beast, a la post-hunting, to the hood of a car, and then had it talk to various surprised passersby. I laughed so hard that I nearly burst. The only problem is how this friend occasionally also zips along some lewd clips of questionable taste. What should I do?
_Castle Watcher
