FAN MAIL
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Don't worry, I'm a fan — I read your column most weeks and think that you have good insight into the questions that are being asked. In regard to the "No Trust" inquiry (March 6), I have to let it be known that you didn't even address the fact that he was hiding something from her! Maybe she's just jealous and suspicious OR maybe she sensed something was going on, or that he's not trustworthy and she had to get to the bottom of it. Though I don't agree with the way she went about seeking her information, he was still sneaking around! And your advice seemed to let him off the hook. Also, being okay with the fact that your partner remains friends with an ex and has tea with her is extremely healthy . . . in a fantasy land. Remember that we are only human and something like that is extremely sensitive and hard to accept. Ideally it's the right way to feel, but sometimes emotions just plain get the better of us and if I found out that my new live-in boyfriend hadn't been honest with me about the extent of his relationship with his ex, I would hit the roof. Anyway my point is: Is the problem her snooping around or him sneaking around?
A Fan
Dear Fan,
Oh. Okay.
LOW-BUDGET LOVE
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey:
I'm a few years out of college and moved back home recently. My plan is to save money so I can buy my own place next summer. Problem is, since the move, my dating life has come to a near halt. I try to avoid the " living at home" stigma if it comes up in conversation, and it's nearly impossible to invite company over when I do meet someone. Any suggestions?
Home Alonely
Dear Home Alonely,
Since more and more young people are doing it, living at home after college to save money would not seem to be so stigmatizing and, considering the current economic situation, rather wise. Sharing the information with prospective dates that you are pursuing a course wherein you hope to actually purchase a house of your own may actually enhance your appeal. It should be apparent to potential partners that you are intelligent, thrifty, and planning for the future. These are certainly attractive features in a prospective partner.
Since you have decided to go the delayed gratification route in attempting to save up enough to actually purchase a house rather than rent, part of the delayed gratification may also mean not having as rich and varied a dating life as you might desire at this moment. On the other hand, if Dr. Lovemonkey may be permitted to read between the lines, it seems that your real complaint is that you currently don't have a suitable place to get laid. Careful budgeting of your entertainment allowance might leave you enough cash on hand to occasionally rent a cheap motel room for your assignations. In many ways this could be preferable to having your own apartment, as most recent college graduates are not in a financial position to afford satellite porno movies and vibrating beds in their ramshackle rented digs. You can frequently find such accoutrements at low budget motels on the outskirts of town (I cannot in good conscience use the adjective "finer").
Dr. Lovemonkey has also found that friends in your hormone-raging age group are frequently willing to slip you an extra key and vacate the premises for a good portion of the evening. The Doctor himself once accommodated a friend in such a way but could not refrain from plastering Playboy centerfolds on the wall, surrounding the bed with kitchen chairs with pencils and "rating pads," and a handy roll of toilet tissue at the pillow of the bed. While you might want to avoid asking prankster friends like the young Doctor Lovemonkey for such a favor, this can sometimes work in a pinch.
