Dr. Lovemonkey: Fan mail

Dr. Lovemonkey: What would Jimmy do?

Dr Love Monkey

Dr. Lovemonkey: Bad chemistry

BAD CHEMISTRY
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am very much in love with this guy I have known for the past six years. The problem is he knocked up a girl half his age and they have been married for 2-1/2 years. I still talk to him and we are together every once and a while. He started cheating on her with me in their third month of marriage. There is so much chemistry between us I can't let go. I know I have to but I can't. I had my tubes tied for him (so I thought) because he said he didn't want more kids, and 18 months ago I had them reversed so I could have another baby and so far it has not worked. I am so alone and don't know what to do. I want to hang onto him because I know he is not truly or deeply in love with her, otherwise why would he still see me? I also know that I do need to let go of him but my heart won't let go. I do see another guy (but they're all after one thing) and it is nice, but I don't love him and probably never will. Please help me. Thank you.

Hopelessly in Love

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Dear Hopelessly in love,
Do not mistake your feelings for "love." Love is a two-way dynamic and, obviously, the guy you have been involved with for the past six years does not share the same feelings for you. As for him cheating on his wife with you (or anyone else, for that matter — and I wouldn't discount that possibility), this is a huge red flag as to the guy's dependability and character. If you were a store owner and someone you knew stole from another store, but not yours, would you think that this was okay? You need to sever your relationship with this guy and get yourself together. That may mean not delving into any intimate relationships for a while, but if you desire a good and trusting relationship with someone, you have to get some distance from this ongoing unhealthy situation. Any man who would encourage his mistress to have her tubes tied so he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of an inconvenient pregnancy is a thoughtless cad. Nothing but continued heartache will come of this for you and even worse for him and the family he demeans with his behavior. If you continue to find it too difficult to leave him on your own, I would encourage counseling.

CRAZY LOVE — BUT NO SEX
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been with my girlfriend for 1-1/2 years. We've lived together for eight months. I love her like crazy and she loves me like crazy. She tells me so, all the time. Our problem is lack of sex! It was great and frequent for a year, but slowed down to once a week. That was all right. She seemed to love sex, mostly on the weekends. Then we went three weeks with none because she was sick, and I hurt my back. Now it seems very hard to get back "in the groove." The more I discuss it, the more depressed and upset she gets which, of course, makes it harder to have sex! It's like a catch-22. The few times we have had sex in the last month have been substandard. We want to remain together, but I don't like the idea of no more sex at the age of 30. Help!

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