HOME IMPROVEMENT?
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I think that I am being played for a fool. A few weeks ago, I called up my girlfriend and a man answered the phone. He handed the phone to my girlfriend and she told me that he was the cable repair guy. Then, a few days after that, I called up and heard a man's voice in the background and she explained that it was an electrician. What gives? Although I have kept my mouth shut about this, I am really not believing these explanations. What should I do?
Losing Trust
Dear Losing Trust,
Whether these men at your girlfriend's house were actually repair people or not, it is obvious that she is in constant need of servicing. Your choices are to either start attending classes at New England Tech so you can become an expert in all manners of servicing or get another girlfriend.
WRECKING, CRUEL
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
There's this guy that I'd really like to go out with, but he already has a girlfriend. I don't think that it's a very serious relationship — it's only been going on for a few months. How can I get rid of the girlfriend?
Hot to Trot
Dear Hot,
Busting up other people's relationships is, of course, an art. It will be a challenge to your creativity and resourcefulness to come up with a solution to your problem without appearing to be an opportunistic homewrecker (which I'm sure you are not because such selfish and thoughtless harpies would never think to write to Dr. Lovemonkey). Skills in undercover detective work come in quite handy in these situations. Many people have stylistic differences. One person likes Mozart while the other is enamored of Lil Wayne. Your challenge is to find out what those stylistic differences are and then exploit them to the hilt by badmouthing the extremely poor taste of the woman who is standing in your way. If she likes camping, boating, and fishing and he's more of a couch potato, show up at his house with a giant bag of nachos and salsa and a TV Guide so you can find out when NCIS and Law & Order reruns are playing. Of course, you could also just forget about it for a while and pursue other activities and relationships, but you don't sound like that sort of person.
A CLEAN BREAK
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been with a woman for about a year now. I love her dearly, but recently a guy that she was friendly with got out of prison and soon she was asking me to move out. I know that she is seeing him, but she won't answer the phone when I call and I am having a difficult time confronting her about this matter. The other guy hasn't moved in or anything, but I know he's around and that they are seeing each other. Even though I've moved out, I do see her on occasion and she is very sweet and loving toward me, though she won't cop to this other relationship that I know is going on. As I said, I love her dearly, but don't know what to do.
P.G.
