JUST DO IT
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm planning to attend a rally for social and economic justice soon and I'm wondering what to wear. I've been watching the news coverage of other actions and have come to the conclusion that the media likes to zero in on those dressed in a more casual or "hippie" manner when, in fact, having been to a number of these events, I know that there are many people who look just like average middle-class Americans. Do you think that, strategically, it is better that I dress in a more conservative manner in order to make the point that the movement for social and economic justice is not just a counterculture event?
Bill
Dear Bill,
Your presence is the most important thing and I don't think that it matters a whit what you are wearing. It should be clear to anyone paying attention that the people who are currently expressing sentiments in support of social and economic justice are a varied and diverse group. Yes, in the '60s and early '70s, when support for civil rights for African-Americans and opposition to the Vietnam war was burgeoning, there was what was known as a "counterculture." But even the so-called "counterculture" did not look identical. (Check out one of the Chicago 7, David Dellinger. He was always in a suit and tie.) Unfortunately, the media, particularly television, will always be drawn to the most colorful and extreme. Do whatever you believe would be the most helpful, but I don't believe that your wardrobe will be as influential as your voice.
NOT READY YET
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 13-year-old girl and I read your column regularly. I know that I'm not really ready to be in a serious relationship. I don't want to be sexually active either. Here's my story and maybe you can give me some advice. I've been hanging out with this guy from school and he is really nice and really cute and I like him and everything. We're not really, like, "dating," but we do go around together with a bunch of other friends. Last week he put his hands under my shirt and felt my breasts. In some ways, I liked this but, in other ways, I was worried and kind of freaked out. I don't want to go any further. I know that he does. I'm worried that we will go too far and I don't want to do that now because (call me a prude) I don't want to go that far. I also don't want to lose him as he's a really good guy. Please help me with this!
"Sheila"
Dear "Sheila,"
If he is the really good guy that you say he is, then you should be able to tell him that you don't want this now. Setting boundaries is a good thing and you should just tell him up front that you really like him but you don't want to get into anything heavy at this time. Tell him that "no means no" and you enjoy his company and like hanging out with him, but you don't think that, at your age, you want to engage in that much sexual intimacy. If he cares about you and your feelings, then he will respect the boundaries that you set. If he continues, tell him that you don't want to see him alone anymore. I hope that he is that good guy you describe and will respect your wishes. If he doesn't, tell him things are just moving too fast and that you just don't want to go so fast. Good luck.
