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Purging demons and exes

Dr Love Monkey

Cheatin' hearts and depleted synapses

TRUST YOUR INSTINCT

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

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Here's my dilemma: I know a woman at work who is married. Recently, she told me that her husband was out of town at a convention for a couple of weeks and that she was feeling lonely. She suggested that we go out for an evening in a "just friends" sort of mode. One the one hand, this seems reasonable to me as long as it is as she says. But I get the nagging feeling that she might be looking for something else. Should I turn her down or should I go out with her?

--Mr. Confused

Dear Mr. Confused,

This is one of those situations where you have to be bluntly honest with yourself, Mr. Confused. How attracted to this woman are you? Do you have any suspicions whatever of her interest and motives? Judging from your letter, I'd say you do. If I were you, I'd pass on this before you find your little non-date spiraling into mutual groping in the backseat. Frequently Dr. Lovemonkey will go to lunch or dinner or to some sort of an amusement with the wife of a friend when that friend is out of town or otherwise unavailable. But the context of these "dates" is everything. First of all, I'm friendly with the husband (usually more so than I am with the wife) and it is frequently he who suggests that I accompany the missus. Secondly, it is almost always people I have known for a very long time and our friendship is well-established. In your case, it sounds like you are a friend from work of the woman and not a friend of the husband. If she were to be interested (even subconsciously) in a fling, you are a much more likely candidate than someone who is friendly with both her and her husband. The whole thing has an air of danger around it and I would just say, sorry, I'm really busy this weekend playing computer games and rearranging the sock drawer.

PICK A NUMBER

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

About a year ago I dated a man who, although totally unlike me, I felt comfortable around and who was a wonderful guy. After a time, however, I decided that I needed someone more like myself, so I dated a guy who is practically the male version of me. At first, I thought we were perfect for each other, but after about five or six months, I realized I was still in love with Guy #1. I am now back with Guy #1, but Guy #2 (who I would really like to keep as a friend, because we share a lot of obscure interests) keeps asking variations of the question "Is there still a chance for us?" Well, I can only think of so many creatively tactful ways of saying "no" before completely exhausting all of my synapses. The larger problem is that there is still a part of me questioning my decision. (Would I be better off with Guy #2?). I am really very happy right now, except for the knowledge that I have really hurt Guy #2. Is there a way to keep my friendship with him without going mad?

--Gretchen

Dear Gretchen,

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