Couples, retreat: this movie has the power to make any date feel as endless and soul-sucking as the lifetime’s worth of defective, hateful marriages that doom the film’s protagonists. Swingers no more, scriptwriters Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau team up with Peter Billingsley to bring us this agonizing tale.
A high-strung twat (Jason Bateman), a floundering divorcé (Faizon Love), a repulsive ex-jock (Favreau), a self-absorbed Guitar Hero developer (Vaughn), and their respective one-dimensional hottie mates get relationship counseling at “Eden,” a new-age penal colony on a tropical island where mincing Euro-shrinks subject them to tedious CGI shark attacks and graphic ass-to-mouth yoga positions.
One hour in, you’ll be praying for typhoons, tropical diseases, smoke monsters — anything that will put these poor bastards out of their misery, and yours.
