UNCERTAIN
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 32-year-old divorced woman with two young children. I've been going out with a fine man, five years older, who has never been married and who lives with his elderly mother. For years he stayed home and lived with his parents (his father died about a year-and-a-half ago), out of what seems a sense of obligation. He has asked me and the kids to move in with him and his mother, but I have learned that she did an Internet background check on me. It seems she wants to know everything there is about me, and I find that a bit unsettling. I am not sure if it is wise to move in at this time, and I'm certainly not sure how to handle the relationship with his mother. Do you have any thoughts on what I should do?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
I suppose you think he's a big "momma's boy," and that the relationship could become antagonistic. That is possible. On the other hand, the mother's Internet check on you should not be necessarily interpreted as a negative thing. She obviously cares about her son, and an Internet check is not such a bad thing. But now is not the right time to make plans to move in. As long as your current situation is good and workable, stay where you are, continue to see this man, and work at forming a closer relationship with the mother. In less than a year, you will likely have a better grasp of family dynamics, whether this guy is the man of your dreams, and just how things might work out.
SUSPICIOUS SITUATION
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a gay man and have been with a guy for a couple of years. We live together. When we met, we'd both broken off fairly long-term relationships. His ex continued to remain friends with him for a number of months — they walked each others' dogs, and frankly, I was a bit annoyed. He agreed to stop walking the dog and to stop having any contact with his ex. About six months ago, my guy's ex sent him an e-mail to say that he had married a man and was very happy, but would like to meet for drinks. My suspicion is that he just can not let go and may be looking for something on the side. Are my suspicions valid or am I just paranoid?
James
Dear James,
There could be some validity to your suspicions. Why not suggest that both couples meet for drinks? If the ex is reluctant to do that, something may be amiss. The scenario you describe does not smell right to Dr. Lovemonkey.
DON'T SWEAT THE LUDDITES
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
More than a year ago, I met this great woman over the Internet. We got together, we fell in love, and everything has been great. But way too frequently, I communicate with people who have a dim view of how we met via the Internet. They cast doubts on the legitimacy of our relationship and seem to believe that any Internet-based romance is illegitimate. What can I do about these people? I want to tell them they are full of shit, and that our relationship proves this can work, but they continue to be skeptical about everything.
Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Ignore these skeptics. They probably oppose the use of electricity and telephones as a form of communication. You shouldn't feel the need to explain yourself to them.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to tillie27@verizon.net.
