This just
in: Julián
Tavárez is completely nuts. (But he’s also
cuddly sometimes.)
This rivalry
with the Devil Rays has reached epic proportions. Ridiculous. Should make for some fun watching this season. Two blood feuds with AL East rivals! Let just hope
no one else gets hurt. And that Tavárez is duly warned that one more incident
remotely like this one will see him cut from the team faster than young children
run away from his hideous face.
We knew he
was a headcase when we got him. No one should be too surprised. But we cannot allow antics like this to affect
the team adversely. If he flips out again, we cut him loose and give his job to any of the
PawSox kids who could do it almost as well. I thought we were all about character guys?
Etc.
* The good
news? We actually won a game. (And don't feel too bad about being so far down in the Grapefruit League standings. The reigning world champs are doing even worse than we are.)
* The bad
news? Boomer
can bitch about that late start all he wants, but he’s got no stamina yet. He can
sure use the extra work in Pawtucket.
* The good
news? Foulke,
apparently, is good again. (Please, God, let that be true.)
* The ugly news? Randy Johnson is a jerk. And still ugly. And his daughter, who "looks like him," is terribly unlucky.
* Godspeed,
Tony Graffanino, and good luck.Thanks for playing here, and thanks for
loving it. Sorry things didn’t work out.
Before:
After:
* Finally, in honor of Julián "Boom Boom" Tavárez, I looked back on the great Red Sox dust-ups of the last
several decades for this Thursday's Phoenix. Couldn’t fit ‘em all in the print edition, but the vast limitlessness of the Internet allows room for the whole glorious list:
Gold Gloves
Red Sox brawls
through the ages.
The sight
of Josh Beckett jawing at Ryan Howard on Sunday afternoon, followed the very
next day by crazy Julián Tavárez clocking Joey Gathright as he slid into home
(then standing victorious over his supine form like Ali over Liston) had to
make Sox fans chuckle. Only spring training? Someone tell these guys that. Yes,
Tavárez is a known nutcase who may well cause further headaches — for the guys
he punches and for his own team. And, yes, he should at least have used his
non-pitching hand. But it was still pretty funny. Whether this fighting spirit
galvanizes the new group of guys, or degenerates into a self-destructive
tragicomedy remains to be seen. But with opening bell ... er, opening day less than a week away, we take a
look at ten of Boston’s best bullpen-emptying, bench-clearing brawls.
5/30/38. Archie McKain & Joe
Cronin vs. Jake Powell. After Red Sox pitcher McKain succeeds in plunking
Powell in the gut (after first aiming at his head), Powell charges the mound.
Shortstop/manager Cronin, an avowed Yankee hater, intercepts him, throwing
roundhouses for several minutes in the middle of the diamond — and, after
they’re both ejected, under the Yankee Stadium stands.
5/24/52. Jimmy Piersall vs. Billy
Martin. Having
exchanged heated words in the past, rookie Red Sox center fielder Piersall and
Yankees second baseman Martin meet in the tunnel beneath the Fenway stands
before game time and quickly come to blows. They’re separated by Boston hurler
Ellis Kinder and New York coach Bill Dickey, but Piersall proceeds to heckle
Martin vociferously for the entire game. Piersall, of course, was later
institutionalized after a nervous breakdown. He also claimed to not remember
his rookie season. “Probably the best thing that ever happened to me was going
nuts,” he’s said. “Whoever heard of Jimmy Piersall until that happened?”
6/21/67. Jim Lonborg vs. Thad
Tillotson. Yanks
pitcher Tillotson beans Boston’s Joe Foy. Lonborg returns the favor, hitting
Tillotson’s shoulder in his next at-bat. On the jog to first. Tillotson mouths
off. Third baseman Foy takes issue: “If you want to fight, fight me.” Opposing
armies, led by real-life friends Joe Pepitone and Rico Petrocelli, storm the
field. According to RedSoxNation.net,
it’s Petrocelli’s brother, a Bronx cop, who helps restore order on the field.
8/1/73. Carlton Fisk vs. Thurman
Munson and Gene Michael. Peter Gammons
says the “dumpy, stubbled Munson” was jealous of “the chiseled, handsome
Fisk.” Pudge
may have been good-looking, he was no pretty boy. Gene Michaels’ botched
squeeze leaves Munson thundering down Fenway’s third base line, whereupon he
crashes into Fisk and tries to lay atop of him so he can’t get rid of the ball.
Pudge will have nothing of this. “Fisk had his left arm right across
[Michaels’s] throat and wouldn’t let up,” then-Yankees manager Ralph Houk once
told Gammons. “All the while he had Michael pinned down, he was punching Munson
underneath the pile. I had no idea Fisk was that strong, but he was scary.”
5/20/76. Carlton Fisk vs. Lou
Piniella. (Undercard: Graig Nettles vs. Bill Lee). Another classic. This time the
Yankee runner who so rudely bumps into Fisk is the one and only Sweet Lou.
Pudge responds by smashing his ugly mug with a baseball. In the donnybrook that
follows, Yanks’ third baseman Graig Nettles body slams Sox pitcher Bill
“Spaceman” Lee to the ground, separating his shoulder. Lee is never the same again. “You take a team with twenty-five
assholes and I'll show you a pennant,” goes his famous quote. “I’ll show you
the New York Yankees.”
4/23/99. Jaret Wright vs. Darren Lewis. (Undercard: Rheal Cormier vs. Jim
Thome) Cleveland
pitcher Jaret Wright plunks Darren Lewis in the fifth. Lewis charges the mound. Benches clear. Next inning, Boston
pitcher Cormier plunks Cleveland's Jim Thome. Benches clear again. A good time is had by all. Later, All four players
are later suspended for at least three games. Wright gets five, and after a
similar incident in May is called before American League officials to account
for his propensity for headhunting. He now pitches for the Yankees ... sometimes.
8/29/00. Pedro Martínez vs. Gerald
Williams. On his
fourth pitch of the game, Martínez hits Devil Rays’ leadoff man Williams in the
hand. Williams charges the mound, getting in a few punches before being tackled
by Jason Varitek. In the melee that follows, Sox players Brian Daubauch and Lou
Merloni are injured. When Williams is ejected, he refuses to leave the field.
Benches to clear again when he emerges from the dugout in the seventh. Petey
responds by keeping his cool and taking a no-hitter into the ninth inning. It’s
first blood in the Red Sox’ newest rivalry.
10/11/03. Pedro Martínez vs. Don
Zimmer. (Undercard: Karim Garcia & Jeff Nelson vs. Paul Williams) I was in Ireland, getting periodic
updates of Game 3 of 2003’ ALCS, when I was told that Pedro had thrown the
elderly gerbil to the ground. I figured there must have been something lost in
translation. There wasn’t. And the clip will be played before every Sox-Yanks
game for perpetuity. Months later, in an ESPN interview, Pedro famously asked
“Who is Karim Garcia?” He’s the guy who beat up a Fenway groundskeeper with the
help of his teammate, of course.
10/27/04. Jason Varitek vs. Alex
Rodriguez. (Undercard: Trot Nixon & Gabe Kapler vs. Tanyon Sturtze.) Well, duh. If you believe some
folks, this was the fight that shook a moribund team from its doldrums and
turned the Year of our Championship around. I’m not so sure it’s that cut and
dried, but it sure was fun to see Varitek rearrange that metrosexual’s face.
And Tek’s apocryphal rejoinder to A-Rod before the first punch — “we don’t
throw at .260 hitters” — is priceless. Bonus points for this being the game in
which Worcester’s own Tanyon Sturtze became a “True Yankee.” Ha!
4/18/06.
Seth McClung vs. Mike Lowell. Sticking up for his boys, the fiery-haired fireballer puts
one right between the ribs of “nice-guy” Mike Lowell. Johnny Pesky then emerges
from the dugout and dispatches each of the Tampa Bay starting nine with his
bare hands. OK, this hasn’t happened ... yet. But if you don’t think
retribution is coming when the D-Rays and Sox meet for the first time this
season, you’d best think again.