7/31/2007 4:08:01 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

7/31/2007 11:53:12 AM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

Texeira? That ship has sailed. Oh well. he would’ve been nice to have, but I wouldn’t have been willing to part with the number of players and talent level that Atlanta was. Not, at least, for what would have been (for us) a relatively small offensive upgrade at first.

One bad thing, as pointed out on SoSH, is the “added bummer of this probably eliminating Salty from the off-season trade market.” We need to start thinking about catchers of the future, and soon.

Dye? I could take him or leave him, honestly.

I can see the appeal. Having a guy like that to spell the big bats down the stretch is not a bad thing. But five days a week? That’s a tall order. I’m happy to have him if he’s happy to be here. But only if the price is right.

(Also, I know it’s irrational. But I have this nagging fear that we’ll let Wily Mo go and he’ll hit 40 homers a year for some other team. Ryan S says he's just be "one of those 'it was never going to happen here' guys" and he’s probably right. But ever since he smoked one over my head last summer, I’ve had a soft-spot for the big man, foibles and all.)

Gagne? I just don't see it happening.

Morgan Ensberg? No thanks.

Other deals, of course, are much more palatable. Like the rumor Jayson Stark mentions: Dotel for David Murphy straight up? Yes, please. (Especially with Timlin showing his age. Again.)

I'd be psyched for that one. Even if he blew a save, I'd have a chance to recycle Steve Buckley's timeless "Don't Ask Dotel" line.

Who knows what’ll happen. Maybe nothing. But at this moment, at least, I’m more inclined to be satisfied with no deal than last year. (Until and unless, of course, the injuries attack.)

Do I wish I had a GM who didn’t get infatuated with mediocrities like JD Drew? Yes. But I’m not inclined to sell the farm to make up for mistakes like those.

In the mean time, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the first trade deadline in recent memory in which Manny "Bank of America Presents the American League Player of the Week" Ramirez seems happy. It's so weird to know he's not on the block.

Or isn't he?

7/30/2007 3:45:21 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

* Now that’s what I call a slugfest.

(And Wily Mo had four hits! If we’re gonna trade him, the time is now.)

Hopefully taking three of four from the team with the best home record in baseball bodes well for the future. We have been playing well lately, even in the games we’ve been losing.

Manny’s tearing the proverbial cover off. Schilling’s looking good and is due back soon.

Let’s keep it up, so our visit to Tampa is a happy one. (And not, say, like this one.)

* Just got a copy of Chuck Burgess and Bill Nowlin’s Love That Dirty Water: The Standells and the Improbable Red Sox Victory Anthem and have been flipping through it happily.

It’s an exhaustive biography that focuses not just on the titular band — who, as we all know, were actually from Los Angeles — and their biggest hit, but also on the music careers of other Red Sox folk: Tony C, John Kiley, Mickey McDermott, and, of course, “Tessie.”

It’s well worth a read.

* And, finally, the Factory-Wrapped Douche of the Week Award goes to....

Michael Ventre!

I’d make fun of him, but after seeing him so completely obliterated by Ken Tremendous, it would be redundant. I wouldn’t want to pile on.

Some truly astonishing idiocy there. Must be seen to be believed.

7/27/2007 5:33:43 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

7/24/2007 5:36:55 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

OK, perhaps I jumped the gun a bit.

(I wasn’t the only one.)

Or maybe the White Sox just suck.

(You know who else suck? The Devil Rays.)

You know who doesn’t suck?

Jon Lester.

Go get ‘em, kid.

7/23/2007 2:47:28 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

It was just about this time last year that a little black bird alighted on the Fenway grass, much to the delight of the tipsy crowd.

“Bird! Bird! Bird!” they chanted as the injured grackle hopped around the infield, his tiny form clogging the base paths. The Beatles’ “Blackbird” blasted from the PA.

Then, a few days later, it was revealed that after the game the cute ‘lil feller was eaten by a red-tailed hawk.

And from that point forward, our season went down the tubes in the most awful way imaginable.

Recognizing my opportunity, following the footsteps of the great Dan Shaughnessy, I coined a phrase: “The Curse of the Grackle.”

I even wrote a book about it.

(Although mine has not sold quite as well as CHB’s.)

Well, I have some bad news for you all.

Phoenix film editor Peter Keough, a longtime Red Sox diehard, was at that miserable, sodden game last night. “By the 7th inning, I thought I was back in 1965,” he says. “There were about 8,000 people and a tomb-like silence.”

He was also at Wednesday's game. And he noticed something disquieting from the stands:

Some baby starling or other fledgling apparently had fallen from its nest and was holed up just behind shortstop. It could barely fly, so unless someone came close it remained still. It ended up somewhere in left field. I don’t know what happened to it or if anyone else noticed it, but I fear it may portend the same outcome as last year’s grackle.

May God have mercy on us all.

7/20/2007 11:37:15 AM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

7/19/2007 12:26:17 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

7/18/2007 3:43:03 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [2] |  

This one.

Worst game?

That one.

7/18/2007 11:44:22 AM by Mike Miliard | Comments [1] |  

(With apologies to Bill Brasky.)

Kason Gabbard is a son of a bitch!

I once saw Kason Gabbard wave the center fielder off and field a fly ball on the warning track. Then he ran back in, stepped on second, and threw to first for an unassisted triple play.

Kason Gabbard can widen an umpire’s strike zone with the power of his stare.

Sean William Scott paid a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon $2 million just so he could look a little more like Kason Gabbard.

Kason Gabbard sweats Gatorade. And tequila.

He once ate a catcher’s mitt because he ran out of beef jerky.

His favorite Neil Diamond song is not “Sweet Caroline,” but “Porcupine Pie.”

Terry Francona is bald because Kason Gabbard yelled at him one time, causing him to have a nervous breakdown.

Kason Gabbard has forgotten more about baseball than Bill James or Peter Gammons will ever know.

He once told Dan Shaughnessy that he didn’t really feel like talking to him.

Kason Gabbard’s the reason we didn’t play the Devil Rays until July. He wanted to wait until he got a spot in the rotation because he had some “unfinished business” with ‘em.

He’d rather be playing softball.

Kason Gabbard gives Curt Schilling career advice, not the other way around.

And he gives Julian Tavarez crazy lessons.

He can reach 103 on the gun, but simply chooses not to.

If you ask Kason Gabbard for an autograph, he writes “Daisuke Matsuzaka” in Japanese characters.

His hedge fund is outpacing John Henry’s by about 70 percent.

Kason Gabbard once chugged five $6.50 beers between the third and fourth innings, then came back and fielded 18 ground-ball outs.

He’s getting tired of pitching and wants to DH next season.

A twenty-foot-tall, three-ton SOB who uses white ash bats for toothpicks and could pitch both games of an extra-inning double-header then go home with half the chicks at Game On!

To KASON GABBARD!

7/17/2007 11:46:10 AM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

Two interesting stats from the numbers crunchers at Sons of Sam Horn:

A) "The Sox are 47-3 when tied or leading after six innings."

B) "The sad flipside is we're 1-30 when down after 8 innings."

In other words...

A) This bullpen has done a whole lot better than any of us could have ever expected.

B) The joy of walk-offs has been seriously lacking so far this season. As “Steve Brady” points out, “we've had nine walkoff wins each year since 2004, but only one this year.”

Now, just maybe, we know why.

If it happened last year, why are we just hearing about it now? And why on earth didn’t it get taken care of over the off-season?

Sure, he had a helluva game last night. But these deflated power numbers are very worrisome. And even if we do make it to the post-season, we know from experience that having power in October helps. A lot.

At least Manny and Lugo are starting to pick up the slack.

And don’t look now, but Tim Wakefield is on pace for 20 wins.

7/13/2007 1:09:06 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [0] |  

Sweep. Get swept. So it goes. And so ends the first half.

We shuffle into mid-summer having maintained the best winning percentage in the majors, with a double-digit lead over our closest rivals, and a record that stands at 19 games above .500.

Some momentum would have been nice, of course. And perhaps a lineup that doesn’t hit like nine lead-off men. And the fact that our hot-hitting shortstop is a runner-up for SI’s “Least Valuable Player Award” is nothing to crow about.

But we're still in first place. In the meantime, so many questions.

Is this as good as it gets?

Whither Wily Mo?

When will our erstwhile ace pitch again? (Even he doesn’t know.)

Are we really the best team in baseball?

We shall see. Onward march. Let us just hope the latter half is a lot more like this one (or at least this one) than this one, this one, or this one.

In the mean time, a final look back at the first half.

I was trying to figure out a way to pass judgment on our guys. Letter grades are OK, but they bring back bad memories of report card Fridays. Never mind that they're sort of glib. "Imagine spending a year and a half to get a B+ from some asshole at the Village Voice," as Lou Reed put it. “Fuck you. I don't need you to tell me I'm good."

So the other day, I was thumbing through my dog-eared copy of Rock, Rot, and Rule. Written by the esteemed music critic Ronald Thomas Clontle — see my interview with the man himself here — the weighty tome is meant as meant the “ultimate argument settler” when it comes to an artist’s worth.

To rule, obviously, is to be the best; to rot is to be the worst. So it is that in Clontle’s book, Aerosmith rule. As do the Who. The Beatles merely rock. (“Birthday” is a kick-ass song, but “Penny Lane” kinda sucks.) And, of course, David Bowie (“too many changes”), Hanson, No Doubt, and Kansas all rot.

Why not apply this methodology to our roster?

The results are in. If you disagree with me, you are wrong.

Josh Beckett - Pitches pretty decently. Hits for power. Responsible for the entry of the word “avulsion” in the Boston sports fan's vocabulary. Verdict: RULES

Manny Delcarmen - Local boy done decent. Verdict: RULES

Brendan Donnelly - Ladies of the bleachers make passes at middle relievers who wear glasses. Verdict: ROCKS

Kason Gabbard - His name is kind of cool. And he really does sorta look like Stiffler. Verdict: ROCKS

Javier Lopez - Handsome, with a dynamic, unorthodox delivery. Tidy 3.00 ERA. Has a psychology degree from University of Virginia. Obviously thinks he’s better than us. Never let your LOOGY get uppity. Verdict: ROTS

Daisuke Matsuzaka - We spent a lot of money on him, so he must be really good. Sells lots of t-shirts. Verdict: ROCKS

Hideki Okajima - “I am the hero in the shadow.” His post-game interviews sound like haikus. How cool is that? Verdict: RULES

Jonathan Papelbon - Sometimes, even after he’s nailed down a win, I have nightmares about that stare. Verdict: RULES

Joel Pineiro - ERA over 5. I always spell his last name wrong when blogging about him. And that first name should be pronounced JOLE. One syllable. Learn it. Verdict: ROTS

Curt Schilling - Fast typer. Tangles with CHB. Eases the boredom of being on the DL by pretending to be a character named “Scythehands Voxslayer.” Verdict: RULES

Kyle Snyder - Really tall. Verdict: ROCKS

Julian Tavarez - Really crazy. Verdict: RULES

Mike Timlin - Really old. Verdict: ROTS

Tim Wakefield - Innings eater. Signed to a pretty cool contract. Mensch. His cabernet is actually not that bad. Verdict: ROCKS

Doug Mirabelli - Wakefield is a nice guy, but I’m not sure he’s worth having this offensive black hole taking up roster space. Should eat more chicken parm. Verdict: ROTS

Jason Varitek - Nice rebound from last year. Writes “TEK” on his equipment and refuses to wear hockey style catcher’s masks. Verdict: ROCKS

Alex Cora - Remy thinks he's really smart. Coming from someone who's built himself into a one-man cottage industry, that's really saying something. Verdict: ROCKS

Mike Lowell - Pulled off the hidden ball trick twice. Has one ball. Verdict: RULES

Julio Lugo - Elevates sucking to an art form. His, truly, is some next level shit. Even while going 0 for 33, he never once lost his cool. Verdict: RULES

Dustin Pedroia - Looks like a shrimp on NESN but in real life is an inch taller than me. Verdict: ROTS

Kevin Youkilis - Must think hitting .328/.419/.502 makes it OK to wear a small woodland creature on one’s face. Verdict: ROTS

Eric Hinske - Super Sub! Can play first base, third base, left field, right field, hits for power, makes awesome diving catches, can play a mean “Baby Elephant Walk” on the Fenway organ, and doesn’t card when enlisted to fill in pouring beers at the right field roof deck bar. Verdict: RULES

Coco Crisp - It’s one thing to have a unique batting stance, but that pouting moue, the scrunched-in chin, and those twitching fingers really bug me. Especially when they’re just a prelude to a GIDP. Verdict: ROTS

J.D. Drew - I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile. Ever. There’s a fine line between being mellow and being a cyborg. Verdict: ROTS

Wily Mo Pena - “When I hit a ball hard, I can hit it far.” (And when he boots a ball across centerfield, he can boot that far, too.) Verdict: ROCKS

Manny Ramirez - Seems happy. At last. But now he’s not hitting. Never thought I’d say this, but I’m sort of looking forward to the midseason drama, whatever it is. At least that would be a return to form. Verdict: ROTS

David Ortiz - He used to rule, of course. But this season — so far, at least — he’s down a rung in the rankings. It ain’t easy being superman. (Do you think Vitamin Water was mad that he missed games because of dehydration?) Verdict: ROCKS

7/9/2007 6:52:26 PM by Mike Miliard | Comments [2] |