Image via the NY Observer

Oh, GOD. Oh god oh god oh god. I have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions swirling over Leon Nefakh's latest 3-page New York Observer profile. It's about Sloane Crosley, a 29-year-old Vintage book publicist who had a collection of personal essays published this past April. First of all, she really does seem geniune and loveable. And yes, I would like to be her friend. But there are secrets beneath the surface:

“She’s a pretty damn genuine person,” said Curbed’s Lockhart Steele, who was a longtime managing editor of Gawker. “[Sloane is unique in this way] especially among media people. You deal with so much bullshit from people and so much bullshit from publicists trying to tell you this is great or this is the next great American novelist.” Ms. Crosley, by comparison, cuts to the chase with editors and writers, and conscientiously tailors her pitches to suit their tastes. In other words, where publicists of all kinds—for movies, books, socialites and dentists—have created a giant wall of noise, Ms. Crosley manages to be heard above the racket, recommending her writers and titles to others with a gentle caress instead of a swift kick.

The first thing I did when I read this was forward it around to some book publicist girls I know, and this is what one of them wrote back: "I felt awful and small and like my hair wasn’t shiny enough." It's true. NOBODY's hair is naturally that shiny! Sloane, what product do you use? Please share. And look up there at her skinny jeans and boots! It makes my heart weep.

But more importantly...

How? In what way? Does she gently caress? Instead of kick? The editors and newspaper people? Who hate being harrassed by publicists? And how? Is she so confident? And How Is It Possible To Not Be Nervous when you're hanging out with Candace Bushnell, and, um, Paula Froelich? As a former book publicist who was kept awake at night wondering whether the hundreds upon hundreds of book editors I called and emailed routinely about my authors would ever get back to me, I am officially obsessed with her life and am desperate to know more. She's like... the Cory Kennedy of literary publicity! Maybe? What do her pitch letters look like? Do they contain magical spells? Is there anyone out there who can forward me one? Tell me everything and more.

Radar's Gutter Report just alerted us to a new media brouhaha revolving around MICHAEL CHABON. The NY Post's Kyle Smith calls out Chabon (who is Jewish) for the supposedly anti-Semitic themes in his latest tour-de-force, The Yiddish Policeman's Unit. It's a 411-page mystery/noir homage/love story/historical mind-bender about the Jews of the Sikta District in Alaska -- a fictional safe haven built after Israel collapsed in 1948. The introverted citizens of the Sikta are about to be displaced, and in the midst of their crisis, a homicide detective feels obliged to investigate the murder of his chess-prodigy neighbor. Ben Widdicome of the NY Daily News queried Chabon about the attack at his book party:

"It's a badge of honor, I think, to be condemned by one's own people, when you're a Jew," he told me at the launch of his latest novel, "The Yiddish Policemen's Union."

"My mother, when she saw this item in the Post, she was kvelling. She said, 'Now you know you've arrived as a Jewish-American writer. When you've been condemned by other Jews as an anti-Semite, you know you've made it.'"

That Mom quote was terrible. Perhaps NOT the best way to respond to Page Six's shrieking "CHABON'S UGLY VIEW OF JEWS" headline. Does anyone remember that Elle feature on Chabon and wifey Ayelet Waldman? We can't find the article on the web, though you'd probably remember it if you read it -- the couple explained that the secret to their marriage was that they loved each other more than their children. Maybe Chabon just needs a book publicist who can reel him in better.

Also, Gawker points out the Jewish media outlets who have praised the book.

Chabon appears Friday night at the First Unitarian Church, 3 Church St, Cambridge | 6:30 pm | $5 | 617.495.2727, and tomorrow at Borders Books and Music, 511 Boylston St, Boston | 12:30 pm | free | 617.236.1444.