Dear Miss Adventure,

I’d like to meet a mistress, but I’m not certain how to correctly approach one.  I know there are ways to do it and ways NOT to do it, but I always get so nervous I just fall apart.  Can you recommend some suggestions before I make a jerk of myself (again!)?

 

More Than Just Tongue Tied in Taunton

 

 

 

Dear MTJTT,

As the former singer of the Sex Pistols once snarled, as we were being introduced backstage, “Pleased to meet me.”  So, you can just bet Mr. Johnny Rotten doesn’t get invited back as a slave much, but you can have a markedly more productive attitude when meeting and sustaining a relationship with a mistress with a little advice.  For etiquette enlightenment, we turn to the incomparable Mistress Didi, non-pareil mover, shaker and fetish educator of the New York kink scene. Mistress Didi, in her infinite protocol wisdom, has created a one-of-a-kind ebook on just this topic. “How to Properly Present Yourself to a Mistress,” is available to eager-to-learn-newbies as well as veteran slaves equally, in free excerpt form or in its entirety, for a very modest charitable donation.   “My goal,” says Mistress Didi, “is to improve the state of The Fetish Scene to the best of My ability so that We can all have better fetish.  I was very fortunate to have lived The Lifestyle when the public Scene represented talent, skill, respect, sophistication, and class – qualities that seem to be sorely lacking on the whole these days.  Too many people are “mis-educated” by the money-grubbing media to believe that The Scene is negative and operates on the most banal levels, whereas My truth, and that of other Lifestylers, is The Scene is powerfully loving and giving.”  Based on the feminine dominant/male submissive dynamic, (but applicable to everyone) “How to Properly Present…” is full of sage advice and tips that will help you attract quality people to your fetish, check out http://bit.ly/DDGift #fetish #D101# etiquette.
 


 

Dear Miss Adventure,

I’m looking to meet more people in the scene, what’s going on outside of Boston that’s worth getting in the car for?

Dear HFWT,

A great place to meld with the kinky and creative is Jaded, a networking and fetish night in the Merrimack Valley.  Hosted by local rubber diva, Sarula (of the hypnotic eyes) this energetic monthly venue attracts fun, freaky and friendly folks to come out and make some noise.  With a different rotation of dancers, DJs and artistic talent, Jaded parties “…keeps things interesting and never boring!” as stated on the myspace page. The next Jaded night features a hair fashion show by Eyeful Beauty, hot go-go dancers, plus DJs  Xero and Lascivious tunesmithing for your approval.  Be sure to check out the dress code on the website which lists the usual PVC, leather, glam, goth, rave requirements, but also includes suggested costumes of “jailbird” and “vagina.”   Could be quite a night.  For more information go to Jaded.SarulaDom.com or myspace.com/jadedtable.  Jaded Fetish Networking Party, Saturday, October 10^th, at Gemstones Nightclub, 105 Market Street, Lowell, Massachusetts.  $12; 10 p.m.,  21 +. 

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Hey Miss Adventure,

I was wondering if you would be able to tell me. What I am looking for is, how would a guy who is curious about the lifestyle get into it?  I am not sure if I would be dom, sub, or switch, and I am not sure how far I am willing to go.  Unless you're looking for someone to train, which would be awesome, but otherwise, if you could tell me how to find someone, that would be really helpful. - Kinkster Lifestyler

Dear KL,

Miss A is flattered, but presently, she's pleasantly over-served.  Back to your question....  Ask a bank robber why they rob banks and they'll say -that's where the money is.  People are much the same way, you need to leave your home and open an account in person to connect.  And I don't mean email account.  Put some "life" into your lifestyle search and show up.  Luckily, the Boston area offers plenty of great opportunities to meet other live, like-minded folks; together you can work out all the juicy details.  Try the kink-infused venue Sinomatic held the third Saturday monthly at Machine (myspace.com/sinomatic66).   A sensually stylish crowd, thoroughly modern music, friendly atmosphere and tasty drinks all mix for a simmering erotic atmosphere so delicious, you'll need a fork.  Be sure to check the website for dress code requirements. For more cowbell with your BDSM quest, there is New England's only rock fetish night, Wicked, held the first Friday of the month at Castillo's Night Club in Everett, Massachusetts.  Keeping the energy high and the tunes cranked, leather clad DJ Paulie and Wicked have made the rock freak scene the hard way for nearly a year now with painfully hip fashion shows (ever see two Asian school girls in cool t-shirts cat fighting?  It's WILD!), ground-breaking fetish beauty pageants, sexy freebies and one huge smoking gargoyle. You've got to see it to believe it (myspace.com/fetishrockdj).  So, go enjoy and you're sure to find someone who can help you answer all your OTHER questions.

Follow Miss Adventure on Twitter at twitter.com/MissA4Advice

Dear Miss Adventure,

I've read a lot about rope bondage, but need to see it in action to really get my hands around it. Can you recommend anything? - Tied-up in Taunton Sally

Dear TITS,

Knot a problem, Sally, there's an excellent opportunity coming right up.  And with sixteen different classes and demo sessions presented by ten experts, it'll be a real rodeo!  Adding to that, RopeRider, founder of Bound In Boston, tells us, "If you've experimented with rope bondage but you're bored with the same knots or you're not sure what to do next, you need to come to our workshops! Based in the Japanese traditions of erotic bondage, the Bound In Boston rope bondage workshops will teach you hot, safe and beautiful ways to use rope in your sex play. Beginners and experienced, singles and couples - all are welcome."  September 12th and 13th in Norwood, MA.  For more info, go to http://www.boundinboston.com/.

Dear Miss Adventure,

I'm an ecstatically married 20-something bi girl (and your loyal reader) who's having a hard time finding girls for my husband and myself to share.  Could you give me some pointers on safe ways to meet such lovely ladies in Rhode Island?  I'm a bit shy (outside the bedroom) and my profession (elementary schoolteacher) doesn't really facilitate kinky conversations.  Thank you so much and have a wicked weekend! - Seeking Her for Her and Him

Dear SHHH

Short of printing up a t-shirt that reads "Wanna Do My Husband and Me?" or leaving some well-placed copies of the bi-centric magazine "Anything That Moves" in the staff room, Miss A finds that the best approach is the direct approach.  Luckily, you live in what Bette Midler once called "The tackiest little state in the country," or something like that.  And while RI is the smallest state, it has the biggest libido per capita.  One stroll down Narragansett Beach in summertime will tell you that Rhode Islanders don't hold it in, nor are they shy.  This is a plus for you, two.  To harness all these would-be sexy third wheels, a well-written online adult personal seeking like-minded folks in your area is a great idea for hooking up, try this paper's Erosphere for best results.  Also, there is nothing like getting out and meeting people face to face.  Clubs like Hell and Hathor's Garden in Providence cater to fetishists and the erotically adventurous.  Go, be yourself and good luck!

Phoenix-Adult Columnists / Beauty Contest Judges: Tawdry Hepburn, Scarlet Apron, & Ariola Luscious

Scene Beat by Scarlet Apron

And the winner is....  What?! You weren't in attendance for the first annual New England Fetish Beauty Pageant at Wicked, the infamous monthly rock fetish night at Castillo's in Everett on July 10th?!  For shame!  Luckily, Miss Adventure took notes (and drank cocktails) and took notes (and drank cocktails) just to keep you on the same perverted page.  The trio of judges (who took their task very very seriously) were picked from the staff of the Boston Phoenix Adult section: moi, Miss Adventure; luscious editrix Michelle and mommy on the go-go and porn reviewer, Tawdry Hepburn. Twelve contestants rounded out the competition: from dedicated rubberists, bonzo biker babes to moonlighting strippers: the girls were psyched to strut their stuff and the audience couldn't wait, those who weren't otherwise cage dancing or causing kinky mayhem.  Hi-amperage, go-to leather man, DJ Paulie was on the sound system like 3mm black latex on a rubber doll.  If you like ice cream metaphors, Paulie's play list for the night was a real rock(y) road: chunks of Red Hot Chili Peppers, nuggets of AC/DC, swirls of the Ramones, bits of Motley Crew. Mixed in and mashed up, the pounding classic rock anthems served up awesome against the parade of alterna divas on display.  On hand to pass the "fetish mantle' to a new generation was reigning legendary Goddess Arsine, who wore it well with a divine and dignified white latex top coat and Maria Antoinette ‘do: picture perfect for the ceremony.   If you think she's hot from a far, up-close, she's darn near perfect.  Commanding MC hostess with the mostess was the striking Lady Venom.  Looking at her makes me wish I could die and come back as four strategically-placed pieces of black duct tape.  Once the crowd was sufficiently heated up, the contest began in earnest, with a brisk rotation of contestants giving it their all, from hair and makeup, two fetish outfits and a few spirited splits and mock domination thrown in for good measure.  In the end, while they were all winners (really), it was Lydia (last name withheld) a 20-year-old Boston gal with beguiling blue eyes and some frisky posturing in a classic black cat suit that scored big with the judges.  A professional model (31-25-31) with impressive photographer credentials, Lydia does her own hair and make-up and describes herself on myspace as "kind of a cuddlebug."  She made for a shiny example of fetish beauty and talent at its best and was rewarded with $500 cash and a trip to La Domaine, a BDSM chateau in upstate New York. Even the club's gigantic, animatronic gargoyle, Thor, agreed with the decision and flapped his wings with praise.  The stage wasn't the only place hot action was happening.... which judge was seen making out with the third place contestant?  We'll never tell....

Check out the next event at Boston's only rock fetish night, Wicked: The Slave & Dom Auction, Friday, August 7th.  Buy a drink, get fake money, bid on someone. What could be better?  Go to myspace.com/fetishrockdj for more information.

Dear Miss Adventure,

I am thinking of trying a little bondage photography, do you have any advice for me? - Caught on Film in Cohassett

Dear COFIC,

Miss Adventure would love to answer your question, but she is usually on the other side of the lens (and knots) for bondage shoots, or maybe you haven't noticed the Adult covers. So we asked our resident bondage photography expert, the kinky-camera eyed Dick O'Brien of DOB Models, who exposes lots of artfully tied-up gals and guys for professional fetish videos, for his view. He advises thus, "The first thing that comes to mind with bondage photography would be the safety factor. The person doing the binding needs to know how to secure the model so his/her circulation isn't cut off. Gags should not be so tight as to affect breathing. I would suggest that he/she observe an experienced person tie his model and learn some bondage basics. Most importantly never leave a bound person unattended." Check out DOB Models at www.myspace.com/dobmodels. And stick that in your Hasselblad and develop it! Good luck.

Dear Miss Adventure,

I'll be in California at the end of July, can you tell me if there'll be any kinky events I should attend? - BiCurious BiCoastal Betty from Camden

Dear BCBCBC,

We have just the event for you!  Miss A will send you straight, so to speak, to Erik Von Gutenberg, publisher of Marquis America, the standard in fetish fantasy magazine worldwide, who tells us about a great time in store for those-in-the-know and in rubber.  He declares, "I am extremely excited to welcome the latex lovelies and fabulous fetish freaks of the West Coast to the first-ever Marquis Fetish Ball. This special event features international bondage superstar Midori; The Baroness of New York City as MC and a spectacular fashion show with Antiseptic Fashions, as well as play rooms, kinky performances and live photography by Charles Gatewood.  I am proud and honored to present this event which combines European fetish origins with the playfulness of the west coast fetish crowd." Sponsored by ClipsForSale and SF's own kink.com, this unique happening, Saturday, July 18th, promises to stretch the imagination.  Find out more at www.marquisfetishball.com

Dear Miss Adventure,

I used to go to Manray back in the day, but moved to go to college shortly before it closed. I am returning to the Boston area and am wondering if there is a new Manray-type venue. - Prodigal Club Kid Returns Home

Dear PCKRH,

Yes, indeed. It seems that a hard core group of Manray's dark denizens, enigmatic employees and fetish phenoms have made their way across Brookline Avenue and set up shop at T. T. the Bear's.  You are in luck because they will be celebrating the five year anniversary of XMortis, risen from the ashes of Manray to become Boston 's premier goth and fetish night.  Here, the beguiling Latex Lily, self proclaimed rubberized personality and Xmortis' den mother fills you in the upcoming festivities, "We wanted to keep things like we did them the 1st day at Manray so we have our two original resident DJs, Chris Ewen and Mothra. We are also bringing back the Wednesday Addams dancers for that one day. Everyone is also going to get a commemorative Xmortis V pin.  It's strange how five years can go by so quickly. I have moved from Boston to NYC in the past year and a half and gone through job changes, apartments, what have you and I have never, not even once, missed a single Xmortis. I have to thank, Pat, my partner, for keeping things running smoothly. I also wanted to thank Xtine who has helped us flyer and set up for Xmortis since the very beginning."  So, while the wrought iron gates have long been chained and a nondescript condo dwelling cruelly erected in its place, the spirit of Manray is alive and well and kicking across the street.  Friday, July 10th at T. T. the Bear's, 10 Brookline Street , Cambridge . For more information, check out http://www.xmortis.com/

Dear Miss Adventure,

I'm interested in learning about spanking, but I don't know where to turn. What's the best source? - Bottoms Up in Malden

Dear BUM,

While no longer a popular or acceptable method for controlling unruly children, spanking as an art form is making a whopping comeback among consenting adults. And you are in luck because Boston's own, the regal and knowledgeable Princess Kali, will rule over a spanking workshop appropriately titled: Getting to the Bottom of It. She decrees this class is "Everything you need to get started with spanking, including how to talk with your partner about it, ways to figure out what turns you on, some important safety tips, lots of easy and pleasurable techniques and much more. You'll learn useful positions and the best ways to play, so attend this evening class and you can add some 'spanking spice' to your sex life!" Get ready to turn the other cheek, Tuesday, July 14th, 8p.m. to 10 p.m.. $20 if pre-registered; $25 for drop-ins. Call 617-264-4400 to reserve a, ehem, seat at Good Vibrations, Brookline, 308-A Harvard Street (enter from, ehem, rear parking lot), Brookline, MA.

Follow Miss Adventure on Twitter at twitter.com/MissA4Advice

Dear Miss Adventure,

I've been kinky, happy and healthy for as long as I can remember, but my friends continually question my mental state or probe my background for abuse.  Is there a political or social action cause I can join to turn the world around to my point of view? - Sexy Sane Switch in Ipswich

Dear SSSI,

Like Miss A always says, "If creative sexual expression among consenting adults is wrong, then I don't want to be right."  Yes, SSSI, there is something you can do to change the hearts and minds of your friends, starting with your doctor.  Currently, there is an online petition in circulation, sponsored by Susan Wright of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, that asks the medical community stop labeling "kinky" behavior as a disease.  It reads, "We, the undersigned, support the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) own goal of making its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) a scientific document, based on empirical research and devoid of cultural bias. A diagnosis of a mental disorder can have a severe adverse impact on employment opportunities, child custody determinations, an individual's well being, and other areas of functioning. Therefore we urge the APA to remove all diagnoses that are not based upon peer-reviewed, empirical research, demonstrating distress or dysfunction, from the DSM. The APA specifically should not promote current social norms or values as a basis for clinical judgments."  This shift in definition to reflect the reality of people like yourself is invaluable.  Go to http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/DSMrevisionpetition%20or%20ncsfreedom.org and make it happen.

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Dear Miss Adventure,

I hear the next Fetish Fair Fleamarket is coming up, do you have any juicy details? - Bargain Hunting Bondage Babe in Boxford

Dear BHBBB,

You will want to mark Saturday, July 11^th on your calendar for the next FFF.  This twice yearly, kinky shopping fest has been going strong since the early 1990s, according to founder and organizer, Cecilia Tan, and is a must-go for newbies and serious pervs alike. "People really save up their pennies for the Fetish Fair Fleamarket," notes Tan.  "There will be lots of bargains available because with sales slow at other shows, lots of vendors are looking to reduce their inventory."  She adds, "I've been really amazed at some of the amazing stuff our crafters are coming up with. Leather by Danny, who is from the Boston area, has become one of the top inventors of cool restraints on the national scene, but this is his 'home' show, so you really get to see all of his best stuff which he makes right here.  I'm expecting about 75 exhibitors, that includes all the corsets, shoes, whips, floggers and more."   Aside from all the nifty BDSM gear for sale, there are community groups, social clubs and information tables: a great way to meet people and exchange ideas.  Held at the BCA/Cyclorama, 539 Tremont Street in Boston's South End, the FFF runs from 12-6 p.m..  For more details, go to www.nelaonline.org.

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Dear Miss Adventure,

I recently participated in the Boston Marathon and now I am wondering if there is a marathon for kinky people? - Running in High Heels in Hingham

Dear RSHH,

Giving new meaning to the phrase "finish line" the good freaky folks in The Big Apple are training overtime for the 7^th annual New York Fetish Marathon.  Strap on your leather sneakers because starting May 27^th, five days and nights of amazing alterna-sex events awaits you.  Sponsored by TES (The Eulenspiel Society) the oldest and most preeminent kink positive organization in the world, this marathon attracts fetish celebs and professionals from all over the globe.  Wild parties, formal balls, fashion shows, art exhibitions and provocative demonstrations make this a heart pounding, sweat inducing, not-to-be-missed sprint of fun and sexy happenings.  Starting with The Baroness' Royal Amusements Dinner and ending with the newest, most talked about play party, Suspension: something for all walks of life.  Not a competition, everyone wins this racy race.  For more information, go to www.nyfetishmarathon.com.  See you there!

Dear Miss Adventure,

I'm a guy and my new, very hot girlfriend wants to go at me with a strap-on, and I'm not sure I want to, but I like her a lot.  And she's really insistent!!  I can't just put it off.  What should I do? - Holed-Up Harry in Cambridge

Dear HUHC,

Oh, give it a shot!  Miss Adventure thinks it's odd that people won't even try something new.  Once, she spent as entire year eating the weirdest thing on whatever menu came her way.  Ever have tripe soup for breakfast?  If she can stomach that, you can take it up the butt for your lady.  Life is short.  You might even like it, but you won't know unless you go for it.  Start small and take a hand in choosing the size and diameter of the dildo.  Learn your lubes and maybe a few muscle-loosening exercises.  And lest you think you're alone in this turn-the-other cheek experiment, find more help in the fine anal arts with sex educators Carol Queen and Robert Morgan as they use real couples to demonstrate their aptly titled guide, "Bend Over Boyfriend," available in book and video format. And they're not just talking out their ass, this bit of tushie tutelage comes highly recommended by the likes of sex writer Susie Bright and sex advice columnist Dan Savage.