My friends joke that if I don’t learn to chill I’ll wind up old and cranky like Andy Rooney. In fear that I’m headed for a stroke before my 30th birthday, they’ve tried everything from recommending yoga to giving me a weeklong stress retreat for Christmas (thanks mom!).

Nothing works, and one reason is that I want to be like Andy Rooney (minus the eyebrows).

Start building the basketball court. And make sure it has glass backboards and breakaway rims. While you’re at it, paint the White House black…at least half of it. If you’re reading this George Clinton – you predicted it a long time ago homeboy. Chocolate City baby.

Last night in Chicago was surreal.

By now we've seen the photos of Barack Obama's grandmother celebrating his victory in her village in Kenya. But that's just the beginning. Here's just a quick selection of tidbits from the international media, covering the response to Obama's election:

Yesterday, rather than hole up in the office or settle on my couch with a beer (or five) and anxiously await the returns, I hit the town, to see how some of Boston's voters were passing the time until America had a new president. Some highlights:

11:30 am, in a taxi: I'm on my way to cover Deval Patrick's press conference at an Obama phone bank, and my taxi driver asks me if I find Governor Patrick attractive.

The way I see it, they wanted a Culture War, and they lost it. Barack Obama's right. For a change, this is no time to gloat. The good guys have the advantage (not to mention the backing of the entire planet), so we should show the crackers who fell for the GOP flim-flam some mercy. Still, it was difficult to repress a brief cackle this morning on the Turnpike as I passed a beige Lincoln with about 13 American-flag decals on the trunk.

I'm breaking with my years-long tradition of never telling anyone how I vote on any issue this year. I figure that anyone who actually wonders whom I voted for doesn't know me that well, and anyone who knows me is going to guess that I voted for Obama. So what's the harm in telling? (Just don't ask me who I supported for county charter commission.

What's it like to be all about the little guy on a big day?

For supporters of third party candidates, like Libertarian Bob Barr or Green Party nominee Cynthia McKinney, election day means crossed fingers for small victories.

"We're trying to build an alternative for the future," says Lyn Meza, the Massachusetts volunteer coordinator for the McKinney/Clemente campaign, "so that people don't have to choose between Tweedledee and Tweedledum."

In 2004, I wrote in the Phoenix about voting for a president for the first time. I felt idealistic, empowered, and special. I worried that my idealism would be squandered if John Kerry lost, or if the election was contested.

For better or for worse, and despite the clusterfuck of the past four years, I still feel hopeful about what this country can be - and that's why I voted for Barack Obama.

That’s right Kanye – you’re no longer the most popular black man in Chicago. Until people are let out of work early to see you rock a concert, that title officially belongs to Barack Obama.

Loads of employees were released at three today, and, judging by the number of supporters swarming on Grant Park, I’m guessing that most of them didn’t stop at home to re-apply deodorant.

To be honest, I was a staunch Hillary Clinton supporter, before and even after Barack Obama won the nomination. I had hoped to celebrate the civil victory of a woman earning the party nomination, so it took me a little while to get behind Obama - whose nomination is, obviously, also a civil victory - because I was, frankly, utterly unprepared for him to be running on the Democratic ticket.

I’m not the only person in Chicago who’s excited about getting a socialist president in office. People have their dogs dressed in Obama sweaters. Hundreds are showing up hours early for the Grant Park rally. Somewhere, I’m sure some breasts are being painted.

The downtown loop is bustling. News vans are lined around the block, and the talking heads are doing stand-ups, most of which are hilarious.

Surely you’ve heard about Grant Park – it’s the place in Chicago where Barack Obama will hopefully say “I win” tonight. It’s totally the Studio 54 of American politics.

As I mentioned in earlier dispatches, Chicagoans expect this evening’s festivities to be one of three things: 1 – The greatest celebration in recent political memory; 2 – A big fucking riot; or 3 – The most fantastic celebratory riot in United States history.

Chicago is extraordinarily segregated. White faces are scarce on the South Side, and by the time my train reaches the final stop I’m the only cracker left. I’m sure there are diverse pockets somewhere around here, but not from where I’m sitting.

Everyone is mighty friendly, and some are even concerned about me walking around.