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From carpenter to king

LePage has been surprisingly polite
In the wake of last month's election, I expected Republican governor-elect Paul LePage to provide me with an inexhaustible supply of column material.
By: AL DIAMON  |  December 08, 2010

The stain

The Nutting case
"If the diaper fits, you must acquit." According to press accounts from 2003, that was the wording on a sign carried at a State House rally by a supporter of Republican state Representative Robert Nutting of Oakland.
By: AL DIAMON  |  December 01, 2010

In a perfect world: Ranked-choice voting

Make that "fraud"
My unbiased analysis of the 2010 Maine gubernatorial election reveals that most voters didn't want any of the candidates to win. The proof? A sizable majority voted against each of them.
By: AL DIAMON  |  November 24, 2010

Conducting tests on Maine Republicans

Highly experimental
Here at the Institute for Advanced Studies of the Effects of Sarcasm and Derision on Political Philosophies, we've been conducting a comprehensive battery of tests to determine whether newly elected Maine Republicans really mean that stuff they've been saying about reducing the size and cost of state government.
By: AL DIAMON  |  November 16, 2010

Know what you're doing

Governors: listen to your legislators
Any idiot can be governor. I'm not saying Republican Governor-elect Paul LePage is such an idiot. But if it turns out he is, it's comforting to know that it won't make much difference.
By: AL DIAMON  |  November 11, 2010

The Gaggie Awards are back

Winners and fools
The Gaggie Awards are back. Not by popular demand. (But that's never stopped state Representative John Martin.)
By: AL DIAMON  |  November 04, 2010

Celebrity gossip

Candidates in their final, desperate moments
In the final days of a tight gubernatorial race, the campaigns tend to get desperate, then frantic, then crazy. That progression leads to increasingly wacky attacks on the opposition, few of which turn out to be true, although many of them ought to be.
By: AL DIAMON  |  October 27, 2010

Vote for casinos in Maine

Hit the jackpot
If you're opposed to casinos in Maine, there's one way to make certain the state won't be overrun with noxious gambling emporiums sucking up every dollar of disposable income we have left: vote in favor of every single one of them.
By: AL DIAMON  |  October 20, 2010

Be careful what you say about Libby Mitchell

Old and in the way
You can get in a lot of trouble if you use the words "Libby Mitchell" and "old" in the same sentence.
By: AL DIAMON  |  October 13, 2010

LePage and Pingree steal each other's material

Look like twins
Democratic US Representative Chellie Pingree does this hilarious imitation of Republican gubernatorial candidate Paul LePage.
By: AL DIAMON  |  October 07, 2010

Over before it started

Cancel the campaigns
It's finished. The gubernatorial candidates can cancel all remaining campaign appearances.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 29, 2010

Cannibal council

Behaving badly
Getting a stern lecture on political decorum from the likes of me would be similar to being scolded by Hannibal Lecter for indulging in cannibalism. Both reprimands would carry a strong odor of hypocrisy.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 22, 2010

Cleaning house

Board overhaul
Maine’s government contains more than 300 boards and commissions — ranging from the influential, such as the Finance Authority of Maine (FAME) and the Land Use Regulation Commission (LURC), to the obscure, such as one that oversees landscape architects and another that makes sure cosmetologists don’t spread cooties.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 16, 2010

My new excuse

Whatever Colgan does, it's not his fault
Charlie Colgan isn't to blame for all the mistakes made by . . . uh . . . Charlie Colgan.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 08, 2010

Maine's banned breeds

Pariah dogs
I'm a dog slut. I admit that's not an attribute I'm proud to list on my resume, but it still beats being called a "dog person."
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 01, 2010

Addicted to distraction

Mad political science
I have just finished conducting extensive scientific experiments that required me to wear a white lab coat, to order my deformed assistant to dig up corpses from fresh graves, and to combine common household chemicals in plastic soda bottles. The results of my tests are indisputable.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 26, 2010

Less of you

Reform is a bad idea
When the Legislature gets reformed, things get worse.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 18, 2010

Illegal smile

What if toothpaste were as hard to get as medical marijuana?
Suppose you lived in an alternative universe, and you needed toothpaste, so you could brush your alternative teeth and look hygienic.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 11, 2010

Strangely familiar

Politics & other mistakes
The clock struck midnight on a cold, starless night in January, 2011, signaling the end of Inauguration Day in Maine.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 04, 2010

Walking on a rainbow

Libby Mitchell's rose-colored glasses
It's the message most Democratic legislative candidates don't want to find on their voicemail: "Hi, it's Libby Mitchell. I'll be in your area next week and thought it would be really great if we could campaign together."
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 28, 2010

Badly drawn boy

The cartoony Cutler
I'm not saying this is a reason to vote either for or against independent gubernatorial candidate Eliot Cutler, but have you noticed how he bears a distinct resemblance to Fred Flintstone?
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 21, 2010

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