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AL DIAMON

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Doom predictions

Gays into the crystal ball
Plenty of seemingly unemployable people manage to make decent livings even though they're consistently wrong.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 30, 2009

Death and taxes

We’re all going to die
Here's the simple truth about Maine's automobile excise tax: If you don't support the initiative on the November ballot to cut it sharply, we're all going to die.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 23, 2009

The song remains the same

We've got flying cars, but no casinos
Welcome to Maine in the year 2019.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 17, 2009

Sins and promises

Keeping tabs on the tweets of gubernatorial twits
Let's suppose you wanted Maine's next governor to be somebody who'd create jobs.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 09, 2009

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees

Politics and other mistakes
The law of averages says if you put 100 monkeys in a room with 100 computers, they'll eventually write a workable national health-care bill. Apparently, that rule doesn't apply to 100 US senators.
By: AL DIAMON  |  September 02, 2009

Fiction of her dreams

Politics and other mistakes
If you promise to read this column all the way to the end, I'll give you $50,000.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 26, 2009



Down in the flood

Politics and other mistakes
A few years ago, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (motto: Cornsistently Rong Abowt Everyting) informed me I was buying a house in a flood zone. FEMA had a map that showed where the waters of the semi-mighty Carrabassett River had surged over its banks a decade or so earlier and inundated my property.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 19, 2009

Escape from the chicken coop

Politics and other mistakes
In olden times, before unlimited numbers of free-range office-seekers were allowed to be-fowl — er, befoul — the airwaves with messages less clever than that poultry — er, paltry — pun, the general rule of politics was that one dumb cluck per election season was plenty.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 12, 2009

Off the track

Politics and other mistakes
I've been thinking about what makes a first-rate kook.
By: AL DIAMON  |  August 05, 2009

Happy together

Politics and other mistakes
There's an easy way to make everyone happy.
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 29, 2009

The sunny side of the street

Politics and other mistakes
It's good to be known as an optimist. It keeps people from realizing you're actually a boob.
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 22, 2009



Fat city

Talking Politics
You wouldn't buy a suit from a tailor who wears ill-fitting clothes. You wouldn't take suggestions for summer-reading from somebody who's illiterate. You wouldn't cast your ballot for a candidate who's completely clueless.
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 15, 2009

Can't be wrong

Talking Politics
I don't care if my state representative is sneaking off to Argentina to romance some exotic mystery woman. Given my rep's track record at the State House, he's unlikely to be any less effective in pursuing a clandestine international affair than in passing legislation.
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 08, 2009

Low expectations

Talking Politics
There are some important qualities I'd like to see in the next governor of Maine. But they're all pretty boring. So let's get to what I wouldn't like to see.
By: AL DIAMON  |  July 01, 2009

My aim is true

Talking Politics
I believe in having clear and achievable goals.
By: AL DIAMON  |  June 24, 2009

Some kind of salvation

Politics and other mistakes  
In 2008, Sean Faircloth, then a state representative from Bangor, lost his bid to become Maine's attorney general, mostly because lots of legislators questioned his credibility. When your credibility is so shaky that even politicians notice, you have a serious problem. It's sort of like if atheists complained about your ungodliness.
By: AL DIAMON  |  June 17, 2009



I've got you under my skin

Politics and other mistakes
The first rule for running a successful race for governor is never to say anything of substance about anything. Taking even the most innocuous of positions (Do you think Maine should have an official state skin disease?) will only cost a candidate votes.
By: AL DIAMON  |  June 10, 2009

Out of the closet

Politics and other mistakes
I don't believe in gay stereotypes. With one exception.
By: AL DIAMON  |  June 03, 2009

Out of office

Just because nobody pays attention doesn't mean a guy can't make a royal mess of things.  
It's only fitting the news media seem to have missed James J. Walsh's death. Even when Walsh was alive, the rare instances when he attracted publicity never worked out too well for him. The only reason he had any kind of political career was because he mostly flew so far below the radar that he had to pick earthworms out of his teeth.
By: AL DIAMON  |  May 27, 2009

Bigger is better

A smaller House
You've seen those obnoxious TV ads for phony products promising "natural male enhancement." Now, here's something that does exactly the opposite.
By: AL DIAMON  |  May 20, 2009

Drinking muddy water

Eco-Whacko Syndrome!
There's something in the water
By: AL DIAMON  |  May 13, 2009


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