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The Condemned

A sleeper hold even Stone Cold can't break

By TOM MEEK | April 25, 2007

1.5 Stars

VIDEO: Watch the trailer for The Condemned.

Like SNL alums, star wrestlers on their way out get a big-screen vehicle — sort of a retirement gift, no matter how much of a jalopy it is. Most are forgettable, and that goes for this “Stone Cold” Steve Austin thriller that lifts much from The Most Dangerous Game and the campy The Running Man. But it’s not Austin’s fault; his Jack Conrad, a military operative caught up with death-row trash, is likable enough. He’s one of the 10 unwilling contestants drafted into a death-match Survivor reality show broadcast over the Internet. (Videodrome already nailed the guerrilla snuff-film genre.) The real villain is the show’s avaricious producer, Ian Breckel (Robert Mammone, seemingly cast for his Mark Burnett looks), but Mammone’s no Richard Dawson, so the sadistic high jinks are reserved for amoral deviant Ewan McStarley (Vinnie Jones, the former English football hard man who famously “marked” Paul Gascoigne by grabbing his testicles), who spouts choice one-liners as he tortures, maims, and worse. It almost works, but the slack direction by Scott Wiper puts the flick in a sleeper hold that even Austin can’t break.

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