They may be plagiarists, but Boston’s latest star word lifters just don’t know the art of apology.
Kaavya Viswanathan is the Harvard undergrad–literary wunderkind whose just-published first book, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life (Little, Brown) apparently includes material lifted from two other chick-lit tomes. And William H. Swanson — CEO of Waltham-based Rathyeon and author of the booklet Swanson’s Unwritten Rules of Management— seems to have copped a few good-management aphorisms from a like-themed text. Both writers expressed contrition this week, with Viswanathan saying she’d inadvertently “internalized” the works of author Megan McCafferty, and Swanson voicing regret that any use of W.J. King’s The Unwritten Laws of Engineering “was not properly credited.”
Nice try, guys. Too bad you didn’t read Paul Slansky and Arleen Sorkin’s new book, My Bad: 25 Years of Public Apologies and the Appalling Behavior That Inspired Them (Bloomsbury), before opening your pie holes. If you had, you’d know that a few key ingredients — none of which you actually used — help make a public apology memorable. For example (note: not all apologies are quoted in their entirety):
Keep things hypothetical: “If it is offensive, I’m ready to say I’m just really sad and sorry.” (University of Kentucky trustee A.B. “Happy” Chandler, after saying, during a discussion about divesting from South Africa, “You know Zimbabwe’s all nigger now.”)
Play thevictim: “If committing mass suicide would help, I’ve even given that some consideration.... I’ll take my shirt off and beat myself bloody on the back.” (CNN founder Ted Turner, after that network erroneously reported that US troops in Laos tried to kill American defectors with nerve gas.)
Look on the brightside: “I’m glad I have the chance to look you in the eye and say that I’m sorry.” (Washington, DC, shock jock Doug “The Greaseman” Tracht, after joking, on the first Martin Luther King Day holiday, about assassinating more black leaders, “Kill four more and we can take a whole week off.”)
Blame the public: “This comment was not meant to be a regional slur. To the extent that it was misinterpreted to be one, I apologize.” (Assistant US Attorney Kenneth Taylor, after calling potential jurors from eastern Kentucky “illiterate cave dwellers.”)
Go minimalist: “Whoever heard it and got bummed out, sorry.” (Ozzy Osbourne guitarist Zakk Wylde, after urging the audience at a concert in Long Beach to beat up gays.)
The problem with you, Kaavya and Bill — may I call you Bill? — is that your expressions of remorse were straightforward. Genuine, even. So take this as a friendly FYI, and file away the info for future reference. Or just pick up the book and lift one of the apologies straight from the text.
