Sheer genius, laddie. Vo Dilunduhs have always been drawn to politicians we thought were too rich to steal; we've always liked pols with enough self-confidence that they didn't feel the need to suck up to every last person on earth with shallow, empty promises they had no intention of keeping.

Revered former US senators Stillborn Pell and John Chafee had that quality, as did Captain Blowhard, Bruce Sundlun, and fellow ex-guv "The Don" Carcieri. Sure, these guys wanted proper deference, but you never had the idea they were in it for the money or to cure some desperate craving for attention or power.

You might not have agreed with them politically at times, but you were fairly certain you wouldn't have to count your fingers after shaking hands with them, or make sure your wallet was still in your pocket after a brief personal encounter.

It is obvious to one and all that Doherty's Democratic rivals, "Little Chi-Chi" Cicilline and "Facebook Boy" Gemma, would gladly cut off their right arms to get elected so they could swan around the state, get their asses kissed 24/7, and cut more deals than a Vegas casino worker.

The denizens of the Biggest Little aren't big on electing divas to top political office, and it seems the Doherty campaign is the one that understands that best.


GOD PUNISHES GOP

Marching in the manure-encrusted footsteps of right-wing charlatans Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell, Phillipe and Jorge are proud to declare — without hesitation or doubt — that Hurricane Isaac's descent upon Florida this week was God's way of punishing Republicans for their vile policies and polemics.

Why else would The Big Sir unleash his wrath on Tampa while the GOP was throwing its mass celebration of evil, the Republican National Convention — an ode to elitism, bigotry, misogyny, and an anti-intellectual approach to science that would make the Catholic Church of the 1200s blush.

As if howling winds, driving rain, and Biblical-proportion floods weren't enough, look what pestilence the Republicans inflicted upon themselves with no help from above. Featured speakers Chris "Walking Eagle" (he's so full of shit he can't fly) Christie and Condoleezza Rice, the lying fearmonger who still dreams of being Dubya Bush's paramour, are enough to make any normal person walk out of the convention center to attempt some sail-boarding at Isaac's peak.

Perhaps Samuel L. Jackson's rant in Pulp Fiction, offered before his character blew his prey away (a tip of the hat to the GOP's beloved NRA), is appropriate here — an apt description of the sort of justice God is meting out this week:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!"

Bang!


NEWS FROM THE HEARTLAND

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