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A Decade after 9/11

Phillipe And Jorge

Hail, Brunonia

If Phillipe & Jorge were in the high heels of Brown president Ruth Simmons, we would fire off a letter to the Urinal and New York Times, for failing to acknowledge the College Hill pedigree of a great American patriot who recently died. We refer, of course, to scholar, military veteran, super-spy, and novelist E. Howard Hunt, the leader of the Plumbers, who got nailed trying to burgle the Democratic National Party headquarters at the Watergate complex in DC.
 
This supposed second-rate break-in effectively drove old Tricky Dick Nixon into a premature retirement, leaving us with the omni¬present and by now incredibly passé “-gate” suffix on every new two-bit scandal.
 
Howie was Brown Class of 1940. The BeloJo, which cites a connection to the Biggest Little with the name of anyone in the news who has stopped here to whiz on the way to Cape Cod, should have trumpeted Hunt’s Bruno Uno connections. They could have easily worked in how Nixon aide Charles Colson, who was involved in the Committee to Re-elect the President (CREEP), was also a Brown grad. C’mon, you folks on Fountain Street. What are you doing — job fairs at CCRI for new hires theses days?
 
To make amends, we urge that the usually delightful Ms. Simmons (indefensibly on the short list to take the reins at Harvard, and perhaps loath to be associated with such American heroes) consider some new courses for the curriculum: CREEP 101 and Plumbers 101. These would no doubt enjoy the same popularity among the athletes who attend the Geology Department class widely known as “Rocks for Jocks.”

My Celona
Ever since US Attorney Robert Clark Corrente announced that a multi-agency task force is focused on Operation Dollar Bill, the ongoing probe of State House-influence peddling, the hallowed halls and chambers have looked like something out of Snakes On a Plane. Or to paraphrase the title of another horror movie that is scaring politicians and lobbyists alike, “I Know What You Did Last Session.”
 
This investigatory “surge” has been prompted by Rhode Island’s state bird, the singing canary, also known as former state Senator John “My Sharona” Celona. Sharona Celona has pleaded guilty to having sold his “honest services.”
 
Robert Urciuoli, the former head of Roger Williams Medical Center, and another medical center official, Fran Driscoll, have also been convicted of related charges. If it makes them feel better, they may have company when they wind up in the federal pen.
 
Federal prosecutors say that seven politicians and seven corporations are now being probed as part of Operation Dollar Bill (we hope that Bill Bradley, former US senator and former New York Knick, doesn’t mind them stealing his nickname).

Sleep tight, legislators.