This Just In

Apologies in advance

A pun-ishing economic climate

By MIKE MILIARD | December 24, 2008

As the dominoes have fallen, one after another, in the Great Financial Crisis of 2008 and Almost Certainly 2009 and It's a Safe Bet Most of 2010 Too, we've noticed a disturbing and little-discussed undercurrent: many of the major players have names that are basically bad puns — eerily evocative of their roles in this economic apocalypse.

Bernie Madoff? "Stupid charities, ever heard of a Ponzi scheme? I just made off with all your money!" Office of Financial Stability director Neel Kashkari? "Kneel, pray, grab all the cash you can carry, and start reading up on subsistence farming." Even Fed chairman Ben Bernanke sort of counts. (Or at least rhymes with . . . er, broke the banky?)

Who knows which flukily monikered swindler, scoundrel, or hapless regulator will step in to the spotlight next? In the meantime, here's a list of 10 other people to watch out for. If you ever find yourself having financial dealings with anyone using any of these names, beware. The not-so-subtle puns should set off giant, frantically fluttering red flags.

Ollie R. Cashbee Long-Twomey

Hope U. Lyke-Ramen

Blanche Attyer Ballance-Sheets

Penny Unweiss

Chase Downe Bucks

I. Will Rouen-Yu

Bette Hahn Black

Owen Moore Thanyer Worth

Phil Maîtresse

Robin U. Blind

Ouch. I know. (Sorry.) But think of it this way: as lame as these are, they're each worth about as much as a share of Lehman Brothers stock.

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