Dance, Monkey: Ripps McCoxen

Dance, monkey!
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  February 9, 2009

Andrew Dice Clay was this week's subject, but he hung up on me. How does it feel to be second fiddle?
I ain't no band geek, so I try not to know too much about fiddles. As for this Dice guy, he likes to go sleeveless, which I respect. Two things we don't need in this world: sleeves and JV sports. Sorry to hear about the Lice Man hanging up on you. I wouldn't do that to you. I mean, you got a good face. Overall, you're very prom-worthy. If this out-of-shape, Fonzie-faced giggle maker wants to dump you, I'll pick you right up.

Do you think Dice can bench-press as much as you can?
Dice couldn't even bench-press a whisper.

Who would win a Ripps/Dice forearm-a-thon?
My guns can't be competed against. My guns could wreck a prom. 1987 Fitchburg prom: wiped out by my guns. I mean, when I hold up my gun and flex, people often confuse it for Cape Cod. It's a real problem.

How many mattresses do you plow through annually?
Listen to me, Sara Face Alternative, I would need a varsity team of 102 math-club geeks plucking away at their abacuses for 84 weeks to calculate that number. I go through lots of mattresses because I like to stuff them with rocks and whip them into quarries. It's a good workout. You want to know how many broads I go out with in a year? Here's a simple equation for you: # of broads in a year = # of proms I attend in a year = A HUGE NUMBER!

RIPPS MCCOXEN (A/K/A CHRIS COXEN) | Mottley's Comedy Club, Boston | February 13-14 at 8 pm | 877.548.3237 or | ANDREW DICE CLAY | Wilbur Theatre, Boston | January 17 at 9:45 pm | 617.931.2000 or

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