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DAVID THORPE

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The Bigmouth strikes again

Kanye acts like himself; nation loses shit
Given all the conflicting emotions, it was tough to form an opinion on Kanye West's VMA bum rush against Taylor Swift.

By: DAVID THORPE | September 22, 2009

The Big Hurt: Attention whoring and headline parsing

Music news in brief
Slow news week.

By: DAVID THORPE | September 15, 2009

The Big Hurt: Don't look back in anger

The best of times with the worst of bands
"You don't know what you've got till it's gone," Janet Jackson once famously sampled, and how true it is. Only now that Noel Gallagher has left in a firestorm of brotherly acrimony can I truly take stock of my feelings toward Oasis.

By: DAVID THORPE | September 08, 2009

The Big Hurt: Taking on pain, cooling on wangs

Music news in brief
Weezer's forthcoming album will be titled Raditude . I almost want to pep them up: "Come on, Weezer, you're not that bad." But they are.

By: DAVID THORPE | August 31, 2009

The Big Hurt: Checking the Billboard Hot 100

Who charted?
As usual, I won't be able to make it through the full 100, but seven is just as good, right?

By: DAVID THORPE | August 25, 2009

The Big Hurt: Broken bones and stripper poles

The Big Hurt: Music news in brief
Only a few weeks ago, I was making fun of Aerosmith for their inability to present Aerosmith in their Guitar Hero: Aerosmith Presents Aerosmith tour.

By: DAVID THORPE | August 18, 2009

The Big Hurt: Woo ware

This one goes out to all the ladies
A friend of mine offered a suggestion: I should make a ton of money by compiling and selling the most foolproof ladykiller of a romantic mixtape ever conceived.

By: DAVID THORPE | August 11, 2009

The Big Hurt: Pop eroticism, faux sincerity, and sperm motility

Music News in Brief
I am a man who loves a good corporate doofus, and this week's glistening-prize-hog-doofus quote goes to TOM WELCH , Wal-Mart's senior music buyer, who manages to make Foreigner sound even squarer than Foreigner.

By: DAVID THORPE | August 05, 2009

The Big Hurt: Strung Out

Vitamin Records classes up the joint — kinda
A friend of mine is getting married soon, and she's been looking around for some classy wedding music.

By: DAVID THORPE | July 29, 2009

The Big Hurt: MJ murder mystery, Aerosmith injuries

Music News in Brief
Much as I hate to bring up Michael Jackson again, I was intrigued by sister La Toya's allegations that he was knocked off for his publishing assets.

By: DAVID THORPE | July 22, 2009

The Big Hurt: Oddest proposal

Music News in Brief
"Wasn't nothing strange about your daddy," said Al Sharpton to Michael Jackson's children. "It was strange what your daddy had to deal with."

By: DAVID THORPE | July 14, 2009

The Big Hurt: Michael and Steven, RIP

Music news in brief
Even if I got scooped by everyone else, I believe my inimitable wit will ensure that my reportage goes down in history as the definitive account, so here goes: Michael Jackson died.

By: DAVID THORPE | July 10, 2009

The Big Hurt: Bomb squad

This week in optional listening
Plenty of great shit to get excited about this week: new Wilco and Jarvis Cocker, tons of Rolling Stones reissues, a double-disc Jonas Brothers DVD spectacular, and the long-awaited 31st edition of the venerable Now That's What I Call Music! series. But if you happen to have a few bucks left over . . .

By: DAVID THORPE | June 30, 2009

The Big Hurt: Durst pantsed, Michaels smooshed

Music news in brief
"This isn't a reunion, this is a comeback," quibbled the red-hatted irrelephant in a BBC interview.

By: DAVID THORPE | June 23, 2009

The Big Hurt: Parse and labor

The week in unhelpful headlines
I think music-news headlines are now officially my favorite part of pop music.

By: DAVID THORPE | June 15, 2009

The Big Hurt: Pratt falls

Plus Ringo shills, Yanni sucks
Spencer Pratt, one of the vacuous props on MTV's realityesque moron drama The Hills , has his beady eyes set on a rap career.

By: DAVID THORPE | June 08, 2009

The Big Hurt: Billboard's Hot Mainstream Rock Tracks

Who charted?
What a lovely concept is mainstream rock : all that subversive stuff was fun for a while, but isn't rock much lovelier now that it's straightened up and joined the hegemony?

By: DAVID THORPE | June 02, 2009

The Big Hurt: Wascally wappers

Plus failed massacres and reverse piracy
Lame as Marilyn Manson may be, I wouldn't wish his fans on him if he were my worst enemy.

By: DAVID THORPE | June 01, 2009

The Big Hurt: Rock in a hard place

The economy makes music its bitch
Fear not, broke American: the music industry feels your pain.

By: DAVID THORPE | May 18, 2009

The Big Hurt: Brand new Dio; same old Yoko; auguries of Creed

Music news in brief
In the process of writing last week's column about hidden Satanic messages in pop music, I listened to a bunch of shit backward and discovered that the track "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga is much, much better that way.

By: DAVID THORPE | May 12, 2009

The Big Hurt: Devil music

sgurd fo stros lla od ot su slepmoc nataS
When I was around 10 years old, I wandered into a rural flea market and found one of the greatest pieces of music journalism ever written: a forgotten crank masterpiece called Backward Masking Unmasked that had been written in 1983 by Texan minister Jacob Aranza.

By: DAVID THORPE | May 05, 2009

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