After we paired off, I found myself prone with my legs locked tightly around a handsome, blue-eyed man's waist. Even as I lay there, all cute and vulnerable, he seemed unfazed and unmoved by the implication of our compromising position. He was, after all, a sincere student of the craft, and I was just a lech trying to upgrade my get-down skills.

But I tried to get my mind out of the bedroom and into the dojo, and once I did, I found myself actually learning a thing or two.

With a few slightly thigh-tiring moves, some fishing of my arm, and gently applied pressure to the side of the neck, by golly, I had the man just where I wanted him. And then we switched, and he had me where he wanted me. I could have danced all night, as they say.

Sex in your violence
The more I learn, the more the marriage of sex play and martial arts seems inevitable.

"Kinky people can take any kind of relationship that exists in human cultures and turn it into kink, whether it's doctor/patient, daddy/little girl," says Cecilia Tan, Boston-based erotica publisher and sometime tae kwon do instructor. "Martial arts is just the latest ancient human power structure that the modern kinky mind is infusing. People latch on to ideas as a child, and we have a whole generation of kids who grew up with kung fu movies and the supreme sado-masochistic relationship between master and student. It's all over Star Wars: the Jedi Master and his padawan."

Science fiction aside, parallels between martial arts and erotic power play run deeper than you'd expect.

"I feel that traditional, structured martial arts and BDSM are two sides of the same coin," one kinky martial-arts aficionado told me. "The core of BDSM is not purely sexual. It's about power, control, and trust, and I have always found that martial arts is about the same."

Power, control, and trust: that's just what I feel I've gotten out of my foray into straight martial arts. And as tough as it is, I'm going to stick with my jiu-jitsu training — not just for the physical benefits, but for the self-esteem it gives me. It's going to make me a better person.

Besides, I'm going to need all the moves I can get for my rematch with that blonde.

S.E. Boitano can be reached at seboitano@yahoo.com.

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