See also:THE MET CAFE | A hot new hipster hangout located just outside of Providence. Live music, cheap beer, lots of open space.
MISQUAMICUT BEACH | Total tourist trap where kids from Connecticut go to skip school and pretend like they're in Seaside Heights. Most Rhode Islanders have never been. It's too far from everything.
DON’T FALL OFF Cliff Walk in Newport.
Probably where your parents thought you were going when you told them you were going to school in Rhode Island. Home to all the mansions and a lot of people with names normal people give to dogs. If you can find 15 friends, you might be able to afford a tiny beach house down here for a week in the summer. Just don't fall off the Cliff Walk.
See also:NEW YORK SYSTEM WIENERS | Best. Hot dogs. Ever.
You've seen the movies, you know the deal. If you see a short Italian guy that kind of looks like Joe Pesci, it would probably be wise to turn the other way or at least not criticize his mother.
Where kids from Long Island and Connecticut go when they can't get into Boston College and don't want to go to Fairfield. Has many proud alumni who still pray Rick Pitino might come back and help the basketball team be relevant again.
See also:POLITICIANS | Fact: There are more General Assembly members than residents in the state of Rhode Island.
PAULY D | We know, we're sorry.
PPAC | Best way to catch a Broadway show without ever having to leave the state. When you factor in drinks, dinner, two tickets, and parking, you'll only be stuck about $300.
PROVIDENCE PLACE | So big you could live here without ever getting caught. It's been done. Seriously.
Before everybody teamed up to beat the shit out of the British, Bostonians decided Quakers shouldn't be allowed to practice their own religion. But Rhode Island accepted them with open arms and our population doubled to 28.
THE FOUNDER Roger Williams at Prospect Park.
Remember that girl who wore a dress made out of newspaper cartoons to your senior prom? She goes to RISD.
See also:ROGER WILLIAMS | History doesn't give the man who founded Providence the credit he deserves. In fact, he doesn't even make Wikipedia's list of the 17th century's most significant people. Something Johnny Milton and Frankie Bacon probably tease him about every day.
A KNOCKOUT Vinny Paz.
Most popular majors: 1) Spending daddy's money 2) Debt accumulation 3) Sailing.
See also:SWAN POINT CEMETERY | Where kids who wear too much makeup go to play Ouija board on H.P. Lovecraft's grave.
A huge selling point for Brown and RISD, but the truth is you'll rarely spend much time here as the years go on. There's just too many high school students puffing their first cigarettes and trying to feel each other up to enjoy yourself.
Great place to party, but beware of the many frat guys who think Keystone Light is the shit, call everything gay, and say "bro" too much.