Caution: if you're under 48 inches tall, just skip this page. Serious cojones are necessary for some of these beastly rides, so height alone won't be enough to get you strapped in, but assuming you're a bona-fide badass, here's some thrills to make your stomachs drop. But adrenaline junkies aren't the only ones who can have fun at the amusement parks. Sightseers and nature appreciators, we got your back, too. You think we'd forget about you crunchy bastards? Tsk tsk.
THE SCENIC CHAIR RIDE
ATTITASH RESORT, River Run Road and Crawford Notch Road, Route 302, Bartlett, NH | 603.374.7669 | attitash.com | Speed and flips aren't the only things that make for a good time at an amusement park. In the summer, this ski resort offers a 360-degree scenic tour of beautiful green space that we haven't yet paved over or replaced with a Starbucks. Ah, serenity now!
CANOBIE LAKE PARK, 85 North Policy Street, Salem, NH | 603.893.3506 | canobie.com | But don't get us wrong — speed and flips still kick ass. The two loops make this classic Canobie beast nothing to scoff at.
TOMAHAWK RUN WATER SLIDE
SIX GUN CITY, 1492 Presidential Highway (Route 2), Jefferson, NH | 603.586.4592 | sixguncity.com | So this place has a whole Western theme going, but we're pretty certain Sergio Leone had nothing to do with it, so it's probably safe. This slide is good for all ages and will send your Speedo-clad butt in a full circle.
WATER COUNTRY, 2300 Lafayette Road (Route 1), Portsmouth, NH | 603.427.1111 | watercountry.com | A no-brainer here. This slide is intimidating as hell, and a long line will give you plenty of time to dwell on the near-vertical 58-foot drop that is this slide. A mega wedgie is a small price to pay for this memorable thrill.
EYE OF THE STORM
WHALE'S TALE WATERPARK, 491 Daniel Webster Highway, Lincoln, NH | 603.745.8810 | whalestalewaterpark.net | Since its inception in 2003, this dark, closed tube of a slide drops you into a giant bowl, where you spin around wildly and helplessly — reaching speeds banned in school zones — before ultimately ending up in the pool four feet below.
AQUABOGGAN, 980 Portland Road (Route 1), Saco, ME | 207.282.3112 | aquaboggan.com | You can't skate like Tony Hawk or swim like Michael Phelps — but at least there's a way you can do both at the same time. Stealth is a 45-foot hydro half-pipe that sends your gnarly ass in all directions to showcase your total body control.
FUNTOWN SPLASHTOWN USA, 774 Portland Road (Route 1), Saco, ME | 207.284.5139 | funtownsplashtownusa.com | Billed as a unique ride experience, this one combines velocity with lights and music for an experience somewhat like a carnival on Mars. You know, in case the tallest wooden coaster in New England doesn't do anything for you (they have that, too).